I got to see the new doc today and, lemme just say, she's awesome! She had a very light load of patients today because she wanted to spend time with each of us. She'd gone over all our records the week before to catch up. How cool is that?
I spent about an hour and a half with her. After explaining to her what was going on and how frustrated I was with the previous doc (she understood) she said it was obvious I had Fibromyalgia. Uhh, what? She examined, poked and prodded me. She pressed on places that ended up hurting that I hadn't even noticed would hurt! She said they were tender points and I had 11 of them "today". She explained I could have up to 18 tender points on any given day since pain tends to "move around".
She also went through my blood work and wondered why I hadn't been treated properly for my severely low, 7, Vit D levels. Also, my bloodwork showed really high t-cell counts, like 15k high and she wondered why nothing was done for that. My old doc seems to have screwed up with my healthcare, no surprise!
So I walked out with RXs for Cymbalta, Diclofenac patches, Diclofenac and Soma. She says it's going to take a while to find the right medications to help me, but she said "We're going to get you your lie back." I cried! Finally, someone who listens and explains and understands! I hope she never goes away!
Monday, September 17, 2012
Friday, July 20, 2012
Fuck Cancer
So my friend, and fellow Woadie, is fighting cancer. The news hit me like a mac truck (as if I didn't feel like that everyday already!) But yeah. I wasn't expecting to cry, but I did. She's younger than me and has stage 4 cancer in all her "lady parts". I dunno the name, she told me but it was long and my brain didn't want to try and pronounce it.
So in support of her starting going through chemo, I shaved my head. Yup SHAVED it! Took all 27" off! Here's my braid:
So in support of her starting going through chemo, I shaved my head. Yup SHAVED it! Took all 27" off! Here's my braid:
Guess I'm crazy huh? LOL
Friday, June 29, 2012
Personality Upload
Okay, this was a dream I had, so lots of holes and such, but looking to see if anything like this has been made into a movie. If not, I'm going to write it out and probably even script it. Has elements of Lawnmower Man and Millennium Man. I think a SeaQuest episode may have had something similar too. Can't remember. Capt was talking to his dead wife, a holographic representation but I don't think her personality was there.
On to it then.
When I died, my memories and personality were stored on a computer in a beta test opened to only a few hundred randomly picked people for new preservation tech. I could be accessed at anytime when I was kept on. It made my death easier for my family to handle. It was like I never died.
Reports came in that some others were destroyed due to angry family members, home fires & floods, willing disconnects & natural disasters. Soon, only a few dozen of the original group were left.
Time moved forward. I watched my family age, my husband die, my kids & my grand kids grow up. But I was being powered down more frequently due to an energy crises. Being powered down was akin to being sedated. I could tell time was passing, but not the amount. It wasn't long before I was accessed less and less. Then, eventually, forgotten. The programming didn't take away emotions, so I felt lonely & frustrated, depressed & sad.
Years later I was finally accessed again. My great great granddaughter, a sad, neglected, 11 year old child, who bore a striking resemblance to myself, found me in the attic of the family home. I was among family heirlooms, passed down and stored away.
Her name was Arlene, but she preferred Arly. She kept me a secret from her family. I would come to learn that her parents were too involved with work and social parties to pay much attention to her & she was constantly bullied in school.
As we learned about each other, we realized how much we had in common. We formed a mother-daughter relationship, complete with the occasional argument.
Arly found out the company that first produced the preservation pc had gone out of business due to problems with the "product". They couldn't turn off our emotions & personalities, it was the basis of their entire program.
The technology became reviled soon after it opened to the general public. Those who had come after me included many jealous, controlling, manipulating people who could afford the tech. Many ended up tearing their families apart instead of keeping them together.
Then you had the murder victims, those who were forced into this new existence to solve their crimes. They were bitter & angry at having their real life cut short and forced into a "fake" one. Many of them were shut down & destroyed by family who could no longer take the abuse.
People wanted family members preserved without their personalities & emotions, but still wanted to access memories and information.
A new company achieved this using 3D holograms of emotionless verbal data banks with no trace of personalities. Families were able to change the appearance of their dead family member for a fee. Credits were used to buy virtual clothing, body parts, hair styles. They were 3D paper dolls who could be turned into anything, even aliens & monsters, without complaint.
It was a farce, no love or respect for the family member lost. They had become novelties, like avatars from the XBox 360.
It disgusted me. A move backward, not forward. Arly was also appalled and vowed to never do that to me. I was grateful, but allowed myself to think that being deleted might be for the best. I wouldn't age, but Arly would. Who knew what would become of me when Arly moved on or passed away. Arly assured me she'd find a way.
Years rolled by, Arly grew into an intelligent, confident teenager, excelling in school. As we were talking about senior prom, her mom came up to the attic. One of those rare moments when she remembered she had a daughter. She saw Arly talking to me and was horrified, thinking I was one of the "bad ones"! She rushed a tearful Arly out of the attic. I yelled out to Arly to stay strong, that the red dress was the one she should wear to prom & to do keep doing good in school.
Her mom looked at me hatefully and screamed that I wasn't Arly's mother. Then she smashed my pc to bits & everything went dark. Disheartened, saddened, angry, I screamed through the darkness, but no one else could hear it.
After a time, I'm startled from my "slumber" as I felt energy rush through me. Arly, now an adult in her 30s, had found a way to repair me. With an upgrade! I was turned into a hologram. Unlike the robotic-like holograms, I had my personality & emotions. I could also wander her home freely through a series of lasers set into what looked like lighting tracks, set throughout the home. She invented the system. She surprised me by saying she spent years tracking down as many pcs like me and had built something even more extraordinary. I spent a few days, exploring my new found freedom. Arly then said it was time for the big reveal but she has to shut me down for travel.
When I'm powered up again, I'm in an extremely large building on a vast plot of land, at least 5000 acres, fully powered by renewable energy. There were different levels below and above ground. The building housed 23 large apartments for each preservation pc, virtual stores with digital products we could actually manipulate and entertainment areas that allowed us to access every bit of media that was ever created.
Outside had parks, ponds, a lake, gardens, a sports arena & sports fields, like it's own little town. And that's what it was. It was a protected area, in the way National Parks were protected.
People could visit and learn about the past, not just facts, but how we FELT in the era we were from. Others, like me & who were willing, were moved here. We'd never be shut off here and we had everything we could want, even AI pets of every type, with restrictions to size. Dinosaurs & dragons could be no bigger than a horse. They were incredibly realistic, but, thankfully, programmed to not be aggressive.
So we lived, content, teaching others, sharing memories, making new memories, forming new bonds. Building new confidence in the combination of new & old technology.
On to it then.
When I died, my memories and personality were stored on a computer in a beta test opened to only a few hundred randomly picked people for new preservation tech. I could be accessed at anytime when I was kept on. It made my death easier for my family to handle. It was like I never died.
Reports came in that some others were destroyed due to angry family members, home fires & floods, willing disconnects & natural disasters. Soon, only a few dozen of the original group were left.
Time moved forward. I watched my family age, my husband die, my kids & my grand kids grow up. But I was being powered down more frequently due to an energy crises. Being powered down was akin to being sedated. I could tell time was passing, but not the amount. It wasn't long before I was accessed less and less. Then, eventually, forgotten. The programming didn't take away emotions, so I felt lonely & frustrated, depressed & sad.
Years later I was finally accessed again. My great great granddaughter, a sad, neglected, 11 year old child, who bore a striking resemblance to myself, found me in the attic of the family home. I was among family heirlooms, passed down and stored away.
Her name was Arlene, but she preferred Arly. She kept me a secret from her family. I would come to learn that her parents were too involved with work and social parties to pay much attention to her & she was constantly bullied in school.
As we learned about each other, we realized how much we had in common. We formed a mother-daughter relationship, complete with the occasional argument.
Arly found out the company that first produced the preservation pc had gone out of business due to problems with the "product". They couldn't turn off our emotions & personalities, it was the basis of their entire program.
The technology became reviled soon after it opened to the general public. Those who had come after me included many jealous, controlling, manipulating people who could afford the tech. Many ended up tearing their families apart instead of keeping them together.
Then you had the murder victims, those who were forced into this new existence to solve their crimes. They were bitter & angry at having their real life cut short and forced into a "fake" one. Many of them were shut down & destroyed by family who could no longer take the abuse.
People wanted family members preserved without their personalities & emotions, but still wanted to access memories and information.
A new company achieved this using 3D holograms of emotionless verbal data banks with no trace of personalities. Families were able to change the appearance of their dead family member for a fee. Credits were used to buy virtual clothing, body parts, hair styles. They were 3D paper dolls who could be turned into anything, even aliens & monsters, without complaint.
It was a farce, no love or respect for the family member lost. They had become novelties, like avatars from the XBox 360.
It disgusted me. A move backward, not forward. Arly was also appalled and vowed to never do that to me. I was grateful, but allowed myself to think that being deleted might be for the best. I wouldn't age, but Arly would. Who knew what would become of me when Arly moved on or passed away. Arly assured me she'd find a way.
Years rolled by, Arly grew into an intelligent, confident teenager, excelling in school. As we were talking about senior prom, her mom came up to the attic. One of those rare moments when she remembered she had a daughter. She saw Arly talking to me and was horrified, thinking I was one of the "bad ones"! She rushed a tearful Arly out of the attic. I yelled out to Arly to stay strong, that the red dress was the one she should wear to prom & to do keep doing good in school.
Her mom looked at me hatefully and screamed that I wasn't Arly's mother. Then she smashed my pc to bits & everything went dark. Disheartened, saddened, angry, I screamed through the darkness, but no one else could hear it.
After a time, I'm startled from my "slumber" as I felt energy rush through me. Arly, now an adult in her 30s, had found a way to repair me. With an upgrade! I was turned into a hologram. Unlike the robotic-like holograms, I had my personality & emotions. I could also wander her home freely through a series of lasers set into what looked like lighting tracks, set throughout the home. She invented the system. She surprised me by saying she spent years tracking down as many pcs like me and had built something even more extraordinary. I spent a few days, exploring my new found freedom. Arly then said it was time for the big reveal but she has to shut me down for travel.
When I'm powered up again, I'm in an extremely large building on a vast plot of land, at least 5000 acres, fully powered by renewable energy. There were different levels below and above ground. The building housed 23 large apartments for each preservation pc, virtual stores with digital products we could actually manipulate and entertainment areas that allowed us to access every bit of media that was ever created.
Outside had parks, ponds, a lake, gardens, a sports arena & sports fields, like it's own little town. And that's what it was. It was a protected area, in the way National Parks were protected.
People could visit and learn about the past, not just facts, but how we FELT in the era we were from. Others, like me & who were willing, were moved here. We'd never be shut off here and we had everything we could want, even AI pets of every type, with restrictions to size. Dinosaurs & dragons could be no bigger than a horse. They were incredibly realistic, but, thankfully, programmed to not be aggressive.
So we lived, content, teaching others, sharing memories, making new memories, forming new bonds. Building new confidence in the combination of new & old technology.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Stupid Doctors
I honestly don't know what's wrong with mine. He's such a jerk. Never looks at me, never explains anything, gives vague info when I ask. He just throws prescriptions at me. Now he wants me on Oxycontin. Ugh. I HATE narcos!
I wish there were other doctors nearby that I could see. I hear this doc is leaving soon and another one, a female, is coming in September. Here's to hoping SHE can help me and not throw pills at me for something I'm still unclear of having. All I know is that I have Osteoarthritis, bulging discs, degenerative disc disease L5 and S1. Apparently the Osteo is what's causing pain everywhere? I don't get it. Something isn't gelling here.
And the pain center doc is really pushing the epidural steroid injection. I had one, now my hips are killing me and the nerve pain is on my left side now. Yay, nerve pain in BOTH my legs! And I'm supposed to give them another try? The PA said I needed a second one because "the first injection just went after the swelling, the second would target the nerve pain." Oh my, do I have nano-steroids in my body? Were these steroids actually able to tell the difference between my swollen tissue and nerves? AMAZING! I feel so Sci-Fi! (Sarcasm). Whatever. I think the pain doc is just trying to push his research on me. Sorry, I'm not your fucking guinea pig and never agreed to being as such, especially without compensation!
I wish there were other doctors nearby that I could see. I hear this doc is leaving soon and another one, a female, is coming in September. Here's to hoping SHE can help me and not throw pills at me for something I'm still unclear of having. All I know is that I have Osteoarthritis, bulging discs, degenerative disc disease L5 and S1. Apparently the Osteo is what's causing pain everywhere? I don't get it. Something isn't gelling here.
And the pain center doc is really pushing the epidural steroid injection. I had one, now my hips are killing me and the nerve pain is on my left side now. Yay, nerve pain in BOTH my legs! And I'm supposed to give them another try? The PA said I needed a second one because "the first injection just went after the swelling, the second would target the nerve pain." Oh my, do I have nano-steroids in my body? Were these steroids actually able to tell the difference between my swollen tissue and nerves? AMAZING! I feel so Sci-Fi! (Sarcasm). Whatever. I think the pain doc is just trying to push his research on me. Sorry, I'm not your fucking guinea pig and never agreed to being as such, especially without compensation!Tuesday, August 9, 2011
For Those Without Chronic Pain
TIPS FOR DEALING WITH PEOPLE IN PAIN
1. People with chronic pain seem unreliable (we can’t count on ourselves). When feeling better we promise things (and mean it); when in serious pain, we may not even show up.
2. An action or situation may result in pain several hours later, or even the next day. Delayed pain is confusing to people who have never experienced it.
3. Pain can inhibit listening and other communication skills. It’s like having someone shouting at you, or trying to talk with a fire alarm going off in the room. The effect of pain on the mind can seem like attention deficit disorder. So you may have to repeat a request, or write things down for a person with chronic pain. Don’t take it personally, or think that they are stupid.
4. The senses can overload while in pain. For example, noises that wouldn’t normally bother you, seem too much.
5. Patience may seem short. We can’t wait in a long line; can’t wait for a long drawn out conversation.
6. Don’t always ask “how are you” unless you are genuinely prepared to listen it just points attention inward.
7. Pain can sometimes trigger psychological disabilities (usually very temporary). When in pain, a small task, like hanging out the laundry, can seem like a huge wall, too high to climb over. An hour later the same job may be quite OK. It is sane to be depressed occasionally when you hurt.
8. Pain can come on fairly quickly and unexpectedly. Pain sometimes abates after a short rest. Chronic pain people appear to arrive and fade unpredictably to others.
9. Knowing where a refuge is, such as a couch, a bed, or comfortable chair, is as important as knowing where a bathroom is. A visit is much more enjoyable if the chronic pain person knows there is a refuge if needed. A person with chronic pain may not want to go anywhere that has no refuge (e.g.no place to sit or lie down).
10. Small acts of kindness can seem like huge acts of mercy to a person in pain. Your offer of a pillow or a cup of tea can be a really big thing to a person who is feeling temporarily helpless in the face of encroaching pain.
11. Not all pain is easy to locate or describe. Sometimes there is a body-wide feeling of discomfort, with hard to describe pains in the entire back, or in both legs, but not in one particular spot you can point to. Our vocabulary for pain is very limited, compared to the body’s ability to feel varieties of discomfort.
12. We may not have a good “reason” for the pain. Medical science is still limited in its understanding of pain. Many people have pain that is not yet classified by doctors as an officially recognized “disease”. That does not reduce the pain, – it only reduces our ability to give it a label, and to have you believe us.
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
Friday, May 13, 2011
Puppies!
We've been looking to get a couple Australian Shepherds or Border Collies for a long while. Well, a friend told me about a lady on a farm who had some puppies for sale. I contacted her and I had intended to get just one puppy. Only two girls were born, both reds. One was a light red bi and the other a liver tri. The boys were all black bi. When I went to the farm, I was greeted by the pups' dad. A gorgeous red bi, a color between the two pups I would see. I saw the light red pup immediate ans she came romping up to me with the other female right behind her. I picked up the light red and she was so adorable and gave me kisses. I KNEW she was the one I wanted! Then, I felt something on my leg. The little liver tri was standing, her front paws on my leg looking up at me. My heart melted! I picked her up too and got the same greeting.
All puppies are cute, I think all dog lovers can agree! I was torn, I could only afford one pup and I didn't know which one to choose! Well, the lady, who was not a breeder, saw my torment and told me to take both for one price. REALLY?! Holy shit! I couldn't thank her enough! I didn't have to choose! And I don't know many exclamation points I can use in this paragraph! I was just so thrilled! I still am!
So I take both girls home and since the kids were coming home soon, and honestly these were going to be THEIR pups. They had each been begging for their own dogs for AGES! Anyway, my son would be first one home which meant he'd get to choose his puppy. I knew my daughter, she wouldn't care which one she got as long as she got one!
As we waited, I set up the baby gate and put the pups in there with some potty pads. Our cat was real quick to meet the new members of the family and jumped in the corral with them. Brave cat! But I guess he wanted to make sure these girls new the rules of the house!
My son gets home, sees the puppies and drops EVERYTHING! In a split second he was down on the floor with puppies crawling all over him. I told him to choose one and he picked the light red, naming her Riley. He said it's because she was red and he was thinking she needed an Irish name, Riley was the first irish sounding name he could come up with.
Half an hour later, my daughter comes home. She doesn't even LOOK in our direction and completely ignored my call outs. She was wearing headphones, typical teenager LOL! But once she rounded the kitchen and came to the living room the other way, she saw the liver tri pup sitting in the middle of the floor and squealed! She chose the name Delila for her pup since they were doing mythology in one of her classes.
So there we go, two extremely happy kids and puppies! We only had one problem. Hubby was at work and still thought we were only getting one pup. Uhhh..... heh! Thankfully, when he got home, all he did was grumble a bit. He fell for both the pups and it all ended on a great note. First day home and the girls learned "sit", "up" and "down". Smart girls! It had been an exhausting day and I was spent. My pain was ramping up but I was happy that everyone had worn themselves out. Even Big Brother Toboe! Mama is going to take advantage of the naptime and lay down too!
All puppies are cute, I think all dog lovers can agree! I was torn, I could only afford one pup and I didn't know which one to choose! Well, the lady, who was not a breeder, saw my torment and told me to take both for one price. REALLY?! Holy shit! I couldn't thank her enough! I didn't have to choose! And I don't know many exclamation points I can use in this paragraph! I was just so thrilled! I still am!
So I take both girls home and since the kids were coming home soon, and honestly these were going to be THEIR pups. They had each been begging for their own dogs for AGES! Anyway, my son would be first one home which meant he'd get to choose his puppy. I knew my daughter, she wouldn't care which one she got as long as she got one!
As we waited, I set up the baby gate and put the pups in there with some potty pads. Our cat was real quick to meet the new members of the family and jumped in the corral with them. Brave cat! But I guess he wanted to make sure these girls new the rules of the house!
My son gets home, sees the puppies and drops EVERYTHING! In a split second he was down on the floor with puppies crawling all over him. I told him to choose one and he picked the light red, naming her Riley. He said it's because she was red and he was thinking she needed an Irish name, Riley was the first irish sounding name he could come up with.
Half an hour later, my daughter comes home. She doesn't even LOOK in our direction and completely ignored my call outs. She was wearing headphones, typical teenager LOL! But once she rounded the kitchen and came to the living room the other way, she saw the liver tri pup sitting in the middle of the floor and squealed! She chose the name Delila for her pup since they were doing mythology in one of her classes.
So there we go, two extremely happy kids and puppies! We only had one problem. Hubby was at work and still thought we were only getting one pup. Uhhh..... heh! Thankfully, when he got home, all he did was grumble a bit. He fell for both the pups and it all ended on a great note. First day home and the girls learned "sit", "up" and "down". Smart girls! It had been an exhausting day and I was spent. My pain was ramping up but I was happy that everyone had worn themselves out. Even Big Brother Toboe! Mama is going to take advantage of the naptime and lay down too!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Maybe for a gnome...
But better in describing Arthas!
Endless stairs
A guiding light
It seems to shine bright
But it's cold
Wicked signs will mark our way
Wicked signs will mark our way
Mark our way
Mark our way
Call me Messiah - I am god
A true lord but alone
Call me a liar - oh I won't deny
That I'm mad
Am I evil am I good
Mad existence, faith and greed
The universe a gallows Pole
Extinction of the living soul
Towards the sun we'll keep moving
Fate I hold in hand
Dancing 'til the end
I am condemned
Oh I bring all mankind's end
The end
Oh I've seen
All life die
A shattered heart an empty soul
Just one false move and it took its toll
The rising of an evil seed
I can't describe the pain I feel
Outside it's dark inside it's cold
The sun still shines bright
But its time is short
Endless stairs
A guiding light
That once was warm
But now it's bitter cold
It's freezing hearts
It's freezing souls
Soon icy shades will cover all
It pretends to be alive
It pretends to be alive
Be alive
Be alive
Be alive
Collapse of the mother
All will die
The void it frightens me
I've faced the demon
And he dwells inside
And when I laugh it's tears I hide
And when I cry it's joy inside
A foul disease has stained the land
The bitter harvest of a dying bloom
And when I cry it's joy inside
A wicked smile for all the tears I hide
It hurts to hold all the pain I feel
The bitter harvest of a dying bloom
Nothing is real
Nothing but him
-Gallows Pole - Demons & Wizards
Endless stairs
A guiding light
It seems to shine bright
But it's cold
Wicked signs will mark our way
Wicked signs will mark our way
Mark our way
Mark our way
Call me Messiah - I am god
A true lord but alone
Call me a liar - oh I won't deny
That I'm mad
Am I evil am I good
Mad existence, faith and greed
The universe a gallows Pole
Extinction of the living soul
Towards the sun we'll keep moving
Fate I hold in hand
Dancing 'til the end
I am condemned
Oh I bring all mankind's end
The end
Oh I've seen
All life die
A shattered heart an empty soul
Just one false move and it took its toll
The rising of an evil seed
I can't describe the pain I feel
Outside it's dark inside it's cold
The sun still shines bright
But its time is short
Endless stairs
A guiding light
That once was warm
But now it's bitter cold
It's freezing hearts
It's freezing souls
Soon icy shades will cover all
It pretends to be alive
It pretends to be alive
Be alive
Be alive
Be alive
Collapse of the mother
All will die
The void it frightens me
I've faced the demon
And he dwells inside
And when I laugh it's tears I hide
And when I cry it's joy inside
A foul disease has stained the land
The bitter harvest of a dying bloom
And when I cry it's joy inside
A wicked smile for all the tears I hide
It hurts to hold all the pain I feel
The bitter harvest of a dying bloom
Nothing is real
Nothing but him
-Gallows Pole - Demons & Wizards
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