The End Of The Woad (UPDATED)

And Now for Something Completely Different
In other news: I finally got access to an old Woad site. Eleven years and I was just now able to access it. I deleted everything there but saved most of the text to a note on facebook. Great responses from "those in the know". I was aiming to just remove pics of "You-Know-Who" Then I stared at the pages, read what was on them and realized, this wild ride is over. And so with Woad, the pages went quietly into the night.

I look upon my days in Clan Woad with much fondness. Yet I revel in seeing just how far some of us have come since then. We've all done a lot of growing up. Most of us settled in our lives. Some of us successfully so! Many of us still too geeky to leave those MMOs to the younger generation (because they're still too fucking fun!). We all left on separate paths and some of those paths have converged again, in parallel, with reconnections being made a decade later. The feeling is akin to a high school reunion, not that I've ever been to one, I'm "goth" remember and that's just too mainstream for me! ;) But I imagine it is. Clan Woad was awesome, the first step we took toward social media, to participating in the first MMORPG by Origin Systems, to making some lifelong (and dare I say, even familial!) connections to people hundreds - thousands - of miles away from us. Something that's so "normal" these days that one doesn't even blink when you mention talking to a friend in Finland.

I'd say "I'd like to have those days back", but the truth is, I wouldn't. It doesn't make any sense to live in the past. Memory - that's the best place for the past. Although its great to reminisce, the real adventure is here and now. Dream of the future, remember the past, but live in the present. I love making new memories and if those new memories include people from Woad, well, its the icing on the cake really!

UPDATE: Many of the old members of Clan Woad have found each other on Facebook. We've resurrected the Clan on World of Warcraft. The new website is http://clanwoad.enjin.com but you'll find us on BeyondIRC in our old channel!

Seriously? And The Party

Let me get something straight here. I'm an NOT a partyer. On occasion, I don't mind a good party or night out at a club. But going every week, is tedious, don't like it. I prefer staying home and watching tv or playing a good computer game. Alcohol, even at home, is a rarity. I used to drink more often than not, but it got old and I grew out of it, so its another thing I don't do much. Getting stupid with friends is fun, getting stupid alone, is just pathetic.

I HATE talking on the phone all day. I don't make many phone calls. In fact, I haven't called anyone in the past three weeks. Text me, Tweet me, Email me... don't call me, unless you're in my top 5 (or its an emergency) and don't expect me to call you just to shoot the shit. Catching up, fine, to be a rejected Seinfeld episode, no.

I'm not goth. And I know by making that statement it makes me "Oh so goth!" but seriously, whatever. I like the aesthetic, the art, the architecture and I used to like what the subculture stood for, but the scene has since been over run by cheerleaders wearing black and sniveling little brats who think the world revolves around them. No thanks. Keep your cliques and self-pity to yourselves, it goes against everything us post-punk era mainstream rejects believed in.

Onward.

THE PARTY

So I had this dream, seems I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately, about a singer I know and his fiance. They were in London for a reunion tour with his old band and had planned to get married there in the UK, for his mother's sake as she's too old to make the trip to the US. I'm there, along with one of my friends. There's this lavish party at said singer's friend's house, the singer's friend happens to be the father of someone I know. We're all having a good time. Things go great, especially for the soon to be married couple. Until my friend embarrasses the fuck out of me by being an attention whore. Thankfully, the "someone I know", helps me escape the nonsense for some peaceful, quiet, laid back time. Typical dream about some real life issues, until I tell someone about it and was given some striking info.

1) I did not know said singer was friends with my friend's dad.
2) I did not know there was going to be a reunion with the band.
3) I did not know singer's mother was too old to make the trip to the US.

Odd.

Never Sleeping Again

And its not because of Freddy Krueger. Those dreams. Well some of them are coming true. I've talked to no one, especially those in the dreams, about said dreams and now I'm seeing stuff in those dream "conversations" coming true. Its really weirding me out. Its not just the conversations either. I dreamt last night that my dog would get loose, and it happened when someone failed to mention the back door to the basement was open. Which has been the focus of my furor today. Just shows what one person may think is unimportant information, can turn into a life or death situation for another. Yes, dramatic, how would you feel if your 4 year old disappeared from the yard with his/her power wheel and headed into big rig traffic? Lots of 18 wheelers in my area since there's a heavy industrial presence here. Not a nice thought. Then there's the "Oh he'll come back." bit. On his own or carried in someone's arms because he was squashed by a trucker who doesn't believe in speed limits? Thankfully, it was a trucker who scared the shit out of him long enough for my son to grab dog. Seriously, when I rounded the corner in the car, there was a big rig parked in the middle of the road just idling where my son and dog were and another man (my dog is deathly afraid of men he doesn't know) blocking the only escape route. My son said my dog then went behind a bush to take a shit, pausing long enough for him to grab him. Judos to trucker and dude, but the trucker was on a residential road he wasn't supposed to be on. Nah, they don't break laws, not around here. Never. Stupid fucks.

Sleepless in The 'Burgh, or close to it

Be careful what you wish for.

I asked the Sandman to help me escape from the pain of brain exploding migraines by putting me to sleep. Sleep I did, whilst he heartily laughed at my request.

"'Sleep', you said, not rest."

Dealing with the pain of a thousand daggers piercing the 3 lbs of wiggling gray matter in my skull was enough to drive me to self drilling a hole in my head. Not a pain free moment from Saturday to Tuesday, and just when I thought I was in the clear, the daggers came again. Never have I been brutalized in such a way. A migraine here or there, maybe two, but several days worth?

To top it off, I dreamt odd dreams. Eat your heart out Kurosawa! They almost seemed "Dreamscape" like. I felt at times that I was in control of the dreams and at others that someone else was pulling the strings -- a battle of wills -- so to speak. These dreams didn't even feel like dreams, I felt like I was actually living them, somehow. The people in them, genuinely surprised to see me there or expecting my arrival. I did nothing but talk to them. I knew who these people were, a couple of them didn't know me, but it was as if we all knew each other quite well. Seemed everyone was content on laying in bed to talk. Completely plutonic, it was just talk afterall, but laying on their beds -- whether it be their own or a bed used whilst traveling -- seemed to be the thing to do.

Every dream the same, since Saturday, them laying in bed, I, next to them, talking. I would try to move the conversation elsewhere, which would work for a while but the bed always ended up being the main area of conversation. They would fall asleep as -- toward the end -- it would turn into a particularly emotional conversation and I would watch them for a time, wiping tear drenched faces and brushing damp hair out of their face, savoring the peaceful, slow, monotony of their breathing as they slept. But I took on the pain, anguish and insecurities, from those who openly admitted to feeling it and from those who tried hard to hide it deep within. I'd leave them at the crack of dawn, knowing that when the sun came up, it would be a bright new day for them. I would smile, knowing the raw, emotional wounds would scar over and become a distant memory. In reality, I don't particularly like seeing people so vulnerable, it breaks my heart. I'm always at a loss for words and never say the "right thing". I most often commiserate, which I did a lot of in these dreams. Seemed like what they wanted, was someone to just vent to, knowing I'd keep it in complete confidence.

One in particular really got me thinking. I dreamt of him on June 1st. I'd never seen his house, much less his bedroom, before and when I did -- today -- I was a little more than shocked. It was the same room and bed I had seen in my dream. I don't know what to make of it. I haven't brought it up to him, just seems extraordinarily weird and I feel weird enough!

The point I'm trying to get here is that after waking up, I felt like I hadn't slept at all! Like it all happened in the blink of an eye. I woke up achey, stressed, exhausted and could feel the trickle of pain edging into my skull to signal another migraine on the attack.

Only one migraine today and I slept it off. Sort of...

Dark. Restless.

I'm staring at the screen, feeling as if something must be done. Something....

My room is dark, lit only by the illumination of my computer monitor. A hint of music emanating from the speakers. I should turn it up. But as it stands, I'm being disturbed more than I'd like. A certain older female figure in this house has interrupted my thoughts all evening with her excessive inquiries into matters that are of no concern to her. Turning up the music would only pique her curiosity further. To make matters worse, she ignores my perspicuous growls. I need a lock for my door.

I'm brooding. About what? I haven't a clue. I want to brood. I feel like it's the right thing to do. I haven't eaten all day. I don't feel like eating. Maybe that's why I'm in the mood I'm in. I feel like someone close to me has died. There's a sense of foreboding, as if I'm going to hear some distressing news at any moment.

I've been restless all day. I went for a drive. It didn't do much good. I went for a walk. This also did nothing for me. I sat and wrote down nine pages worth of one my fondest memories. This did nothing but intensify my agitated state. So I deleted the entire thing, disgusted.

Can we talk about pain? Seems I have pain everywhere now. It's like I'm in a constant state of having the flu. I don't know what's going on. Seems each week something new hurts and doesn't stop hurting.

I don't know. I wish I were tired, then I could end this day. I think I'll go stare at the stars for a few moments. Try to clear my head.

Break

Taking a break from the internets.

Saw "Watchmen" at a drive in theatre (they're everywhere here), it was awesome! Saw Dr Manhattan and the first thing I thought was "Throw a kilt on him, he's done (Dun)!" I guess only I would get that joke.

Heading out to Cali on Thurs, hopefully be back a week later. Flying in, driving out. Driving the 'Rents here to their new home.

One majorly delightful part of this trip will be that I'm going to meet my little sister for the first time! (Technically the 2nd but I don't think 30 mins as babies really counts!) YAY!

And I'm thoroughly enraptured with Twitter! I may just get rid of my MySpace.

Voltaire Interview

It was such a joy to interview Voltaire! It airs this afternoon and tonight on WCUC.