Maybe for a gnome...

But better in describing Arthas!

Endless stairs
A guiding light
It seems to shine bright
But it's cold
Wicked signs will mark our way
Wicked signs will mark our way
Mark our way
Mark our way
Call me Messiah - I am god
A true lord but alone
Call me a liar - oh I won't deny
That I'm mad
Am I evil am I good
Mad existence, faith and greed
The universe a gallows Pole
Extinction of the living soul
Towards the sun we'll keep moving
Fate I hold in hand
Dancing 'til the end
I am condemned
Oh I bring all mankind's end
The end
Oh I've seen
All life die
A shattered heart an empty soul
Just one false move and it took its toll
The rising of an evil seed
I can't describe the pain I feel
Outside it's dark inside it's cold
The sun still shines bright
But its time is short
Endless stairs
A guiding light
That once was warm
But now it's bitter cold
It's freezing hearts
It's freezing souls
Soon icy shades will cover all
It pretends to be alive
It pretends to be alive
Be alive
Be alive
Be alive
Collapse of the mother
All will die
The void it frightens me
I've faced the demon
And he dwells inside
And when I laugh it's tears I hide
And when I cry it's joy inside
A foul disease has stained the land
The bitter harvest of a dying bloom
And when I cry it's joy inside
A wicked smile for all the tears I hide
It hurts to hold all the pain I feel
The bitter harvest of a dying bloom
Nothing is real
Nothing but him
-Gallows Pole - Demons & Wizards

Updateage

So much has happened since I last wrote. Bad things. I won't go over them here, I'm just glad its all done and over with! It's a new year and last year ended on a great note and this year has been great so far! Karma rules!

Reconnected with Heather and Toby on Facebook, awesomesauce! Participated in a writing competition with them in November and, because we're uberfantastic, we all won! Although I am far from finishing my story. It was put on hold because the issue I'm dealing with at the ending of part one is very touchy and, if not handled correctly, could destroy the entire story and things in part two! There's a ton of gunpowder on a wooden bridge and I have to cross it with a flaming torch. EEEEEEK!

In game news, I joined my DK into a really great raiding guild, Templar, and opened our leveling guild, Clan Woad, to all RP toons and gave my DK her own RP blog. Former members of Woad have joined in Clan which makes me happier than can be! Clan Woad was the name of our guild back in the Diablo/UO Beta days (nearly 15 years ago!)

How about that car there? I don't like BMWs but the World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King artwork is awesome! Wonder if the guy plays a DK?

 
I also spotted this on the net, seriously, I wanna play with these people in the game as they share my passion for The Lich King! And hubby thought I was little too passionate LOL these people outdo me by miles! Not only is the dude with the Lich King license plate one lucky SOB, he's even luckier to be wearing epic loot! Although I can't see Arthas driving an SUV or a beemer...


Health-wise, still not getting any better, although, if I had been able to see a doctor I'd probably be right as rain about now. As it stands, I can't even vacuum without hours of pain afterward. Health insurance through the contractor my hubby is employed through is so ridiculously expensive that we can't afford the co-pay and 20% that isn't covered.

However! Hubby's is now back, after being screwed over by someone and their drug habit, in the good graces of the company he is contracted with and will hopefully get hired on permanently soon! It was scary there for a while. Hubby almost lost his job, which would've meant we'd lose this house. No one ever listens to me. People get this "That won't happen to me" idea in their heads and it drives me crazy to know people are that stupid. Stupid people need to stay out of my life, especially when they put us in that kind of situation. Unforgivable in my opinion. Hubby doesn't like conflict, neither do I, so we agreed to just put that crap behind us and move forward.

Ugh, enough touching on the "bad stuff". If hubby gets hired on permanently that means we don't pay any premium for health insurance, the company takes care of it! Sweet! So even though taking a perma job with them will mean a pay cut, that's $700 less we have to pay a month for health insurance so we'll actually see MORE money and I can go to a doctor to take care of the knees, back, pinched nerve,figuring out my aches and pains and lack of cartilage in my neck! I don't know what I did a couple days ago but my neck is swollen and very tender right now, like it's a huge bruise. Ice hasn't helped. I do need a better pillow though, mine's about 4 years old.

Movies you all should be looking forward to:

Moon (out on DVD finally!)
Source Code
Warcraft
And a movie that has to do with this Celtic barbarian dude with a wicked axe! (okay, that may be a ways off)

We have to do taxes today, it'll be the first time we've done taxes as homeowners! Here's to hoping its a decent return!

Apartment 5015

I was in my new apartment in Manchester when he called. I had just got out of the shower when the buzzer on my intercom rang. He wanted to go over the script, find out what I expected out of the character.

"Fifth floor, number 5015." I told him.

I looked around my apartment. It was modern art deco. All my furniture was red, the walls were white with silver accents, my coffee table was silver and glass and sat atop a very large white sheepskin rug. There was a loft above. The silver and glass staircase curved up to it. Everything was tidy, too tidy.

There was a knock at my door. My door had frosted glass on the sides, so although you could see in and out, you couldn't make out any details. I looked through my peep hole and saw him standing there, a little wet from the rain outside; his dark brown hair now black from being wet. I wrapped my white robe around me, my hair still dripping and opened the door.

He smiled at me and then paused.

"Is this a bad time?" Noticing my present state.

I rolled my eyes and turned, walking towards my little dining table, conveniently only ten steps from the door.

"No. This is the best time actually. I have meetings and all sorts of things to do the next few days."

He walked in and shut the door behind him. I looked back at him.

"Have a seat!" I threw him a towel I had begun to used for my hair.

He walked to the table, pulled a chair out and sat down; drying himself off.

"Really nice place you have here. Like it?"

"Oh, I love it!" I lied.

He saw through me.

"No, you don't."

"Yeah, its nice, but its cold. A nice place to stay, but not live."

We both agreed that a house in the country would be more suitable, but inconvenient at the moment.

I rounded the corner to where the kitchen entrance was. There were light switches there and it was dark in the apartment. There were round dimmer switches and regular ones. I tried them all. I turned the dimmer switches this way and that, no light. I flicked a switch and a red light outside my door flashed. Oops, emergency signal. I turned it off, tried other switches. I managed to turn a light on but it was more of a night light, hardly useful for reading.
He came over to try and help, to no avail.

"New place, I haven't worked out all the gadgets yet."

I was frustrated, no, infuriated, and embarrassed. I couldn't work the lights in my own apartment!

"Its all right!" he laughed. I looked at him and he had a broad smile. Even in the dark I could see his eyes shining with laughter.

I sighed. My attention was caught by a black man standing on the stairwell outside my door. The window above my door was not frosted and had a small view of the stairwell leading up to the sixth floor. The black man was holding a clip board and had an ear piece.

"All secure at this level." he said.

I flicked a bunch of switches again and he peered into my apartment. I felt embarrassed again and, along with my male guest, smiled and waved to the black man. The black man left and I realized too late that I could've asked him how to turn on the lights!

"Really, we don't need any light to discuss the script." he insisted.

I shrugged. "Alright then. I'll be right back, gong to make myself more presentable."

I headed up the curved stairs to the loft area where my bed was. The only disorderly place in my house was my computer desk next to my bed. The rest of the place was kept in immaculate condition. I had a dressing screen so that I could change without prying eyes. I threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. I came back down stairs and sensed relief from my guest.

"I'm glad you're not one of those people who think they need to dress to the nines when they have a visitor over."

I looked at him and blushed. He laughed. He was dressed in a black jacket, green t-shirt, black jeans and brown sandals. I went to my windows, opposite of my kitchen and opened the curtains. Hopefully there would be light from outside to brighten up the place. The windows were massive, from floor to ceiling, from one wall to another. The street lights offered little help through the pouring rain. Water cascaded down the windows, distorting everything outside. Lightning flashed, illuminating my apartment for a brief moment. I sat down on the big red couch against the window, my legs curled under me and gazed out; feeling and hearing the rumble of the thunder that followed.

"I love thunderstorms." I said, lying my head casually on my arm, which rested on the back of the couch.

"They're magnificent." he said, sitting down on the couch, gazing out the window with me.

"There's always something calming about them."

"Exactly." I whispered, hypnotized as the water on the window made the street lights outside seem to waver.

The storm raged on and we both sat in silence, enjoying it.

The End Of The Woad (UPDATED)

And Now for Something Completely Different
In other news: I finally got access to an old Woad site. Eleven years and I was just now able to access it. I deleted everything there but saved most of the text to a note on facebook. Great responses from "those in the know". I was aiming to just remove pics of "You-Know-Who" Then I stared at the pages, read what was on them and realized, this wild ride is over. And so with Woad, the pages went quietly into the night.

I look upon my days in Clan Woad with much fondness. Yet I revel in seeing just how far some of us have come since then. We've all done a lot of growing up. Most of us settled in our lives. Some of us successfully so! Many of us still too geeky to leave those MMOs to the younger generation (because they're still too fucking fun!). We all left on separate paths and some of those paths have converged again, in parallel, with reconnections being made a decade later. The feeling is akin to a high school reunion, not that I've ever been to one, I'm "goth" remember and that's just too mainstream for me! ;) But I imagine it is. Clan Woad was awesome, the first step we took toward social media, to participating in the first MMORPG by Origin Systems, to making some lifelong (and dare I say, even familial!) connections to people hundreds - thousands - of miles away from us. Something that's so "normal" these days that one doesn't even blink when you mention talking to a friend in Finland.

I'd say "I'd like to have those days back", but the truth is, I wouldn't. It doesn't make any sense to live in the past. Memory - that's the best place for the past. Although its great to reminisce, the real adventure is here and now. Dream of the future, remember the past, but live in the present. I love making new memories and if those new memories include people from Woad, well, its the icing on the cake really!

UPDATE: Many of the old members of Clan Woad have found each other on Facebook. We've resurrected the Clan on World of Warcraft. The new website is http://clanwoad.enjin.com but you'll find us on BeyondIRC in our old channel!

Seriously? And The Party

Let me get something straight here. I'm an NOT a partyer. On occasion, I don't mind a good party or night out at a club. But going every week, is tedious, don't like it. I prefer staying home and watching tv or playing a good computer game. Alcohol, even at home, is a rarity. I used to drink more often than not, but it got old and I grew out of it, so its another thing I don't do much. Getting stupid with friends is fun, getting stupid alone, is just pathetic.

I HATE talking on the phone all day. I don't make many phone calls. In fact, I haven't called anyone in the past three weeks. Text me, Tweet me, Email me... don't call me, unless you're in my top 5 (or its an emergency) and don't expect me to call you just to shoot the shit. Catching up, fine, to be a rejected Seinfeld episode, no.

I'm not goth. And I know by making that statement it makes me "Oh so goth!" but seriously, whatever. I like the aesthetic, the art, the architecture and I used to like what the subculture stood for, but the scene has since been over run by cheerleaders wearing black and sniveling little brats who think the world revolves around them. No thanks. Keep your cliques and self-pity to yourselves, it goes against everything us post-punk era mainstream rejects believed in.

Onward.

THE PARTY

So I had this dream, seems I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately, about a singer I know and his fiance. They were in London for a reunion tour with his old band and had planned to get married there in the UK, for his mother's sake as she's too old to make the trip to the US. I'm there, along with one of my friends. There's this lavish party at said singer's friend's house, the singer's friend happens to be the father of someone I know. We're all having a good time. Things go great, especially for the soon to be married couple. Until my friend embarrasses the fuck out of me by being an attention whore. Thankfully, the "someone I know", helps me escape the nonsense for some peaceful, quiet, laid back time. Typical dream about some real life issues, until I tell someone about it and was given some striking info.

1) I did not know said singer was friends with my friend's dad.
2) I did not know there was going to be a reunion with the band.
3) I did not know singer's mother was too old to make the trip to the US.

Odd.

Never Sleeping Again

And its not because of Freddy Krueger. Those dreams. Well some of them are coming true. I've talked to no one, especially those in the dreams, about said dreams and now I'm seeing stuff in those dream "conversations" coming true. Its really weirding me out. Its not just the conversations either. I dreamt last night that my dog would get loose, and it happened when someone failed to mention the back door to the basement was open. Which has been the focus of my furor today. Just shows what one person may think is unimportant information, can turn into a life or death situation for another. Yes, dramatic, how would you feel if your 4 year old disappeared from the yard with his/her power wheel and headed into big rig traffic? Lots of 18 wheelers in my area since there's a heavy industrial presence here. Not a nice thought. Then there's the "Oh he'll come back." bit. On his own or carried in someone's arms because he was squashed by a trucker who doesn't believe in speed limits? Thankfully, it was a trucker who scared the shit out of him long enough for my son to grab dog. Seriously, when I rounded the corner in the car, there was a big rig parked in the middle of the road just idling where my son and dog were and another man (my dog is deathly afraid of men he doesn't know) blocking the only escape route. My son said my dog then went behind a bush to take a shit, pausing long enough for him to grab him. Judos to trucker and dude, but the trucker was on a residential road he wasn't supposed to be on. Nah, they don't break laws, not around here. Never. Stupid fucks.

Sleepless in The 'Burgh, or close to it

Be careful what you wish for.

I asked the Sandman to help me escape from the pain of brain exploding migraines by putting me to sleep. Sleep I did, whilst he heartily laughed at my request.

"'Sleep', you said, not rest."

Dealing with the pain of a thousand daggers piercing the 3 lbs of wiggling gray matter in my skull was enough to drive me to self drilling a hole in my head. Not a pain free moment from Saturday to Tuesday, and just when I thought I was in the clear, the daggers came again. Never have I been brutalized in such a way. A migraine here or there, maybe two, but several days worth?

To top it off, I dreamt odd dreams. Eat your heart out Kurosawa! They almost seemed "Dreamscape" like. I felt at times that I was in control of the dreams and at others that someone else was pulling the strings -- a battle of wills -- so to speak. These dreams didn't even feel like dreams, I felt like I was actually living them, somehow. The people in them, genuinely surprised to see me there or expecting my arrival. I did nothing but talk to them. I knew who these people were, a couple of them didn't know me, but it was as if we all knew each other quite well. Seemed everyone was content on laying in bed to talk. Completely plutonic, it was just talk afterall, but laying on their beds -- whether it be their own or a bed used whilst traveling -- seemed to be the thing to do.

Every dream the same, since Saturday, them laying in bed, I, next to them, talking. I would try to move the conversation elsewhere, which would work for a while but the bed always ended up being the main area of conversation. They would fall asleep as -- toward the end -- it would turn into a particularly emotional conversation and I would watch them for a time, wiping tear drenched faces and brushing damp hair out of their face, savoring the peaceful, slow, monotony of their breathing as they slept. But I took on the pain, anguish and insecurities, from those who openly admitted to feeling it and from those who tried hard to hide it deep within. I'd leave them at the crack of dawn, knowing that when the sun came up, it would be a bright new day for them. I would smile, knowing the raw, emotional wounds would scar over and become a distant memory. In reality, I don't particularly like seeing people so vulnerable, it breaks my heart. I'm always at a loss for words and never say the "right thing". I most often commiserate, which I did a lot of in these dreams. Seemed like what they wanted, was someone to just vent to, knowing I'd keep it in complete confidence.

One in particular really got me thinking. I dreamt of him on June 1st. I'd never seen his house, much less his bedroom, before and when I did -- today -- I was a little more than shocked. It was the same room and bed I had seen in my dream. I don't know what to make of it. I haven't brought it up to him, just seems extraordinarily weird and I feel weird enough!

The point I'm trying to get here is that after waking up, I felt like I hadn't slept at all! Like it all happened in the blink of an eye. I woke up achey, stressed, exhausted and could feel the trickle of pain edging into my skull to signal another migraine on the attack.

Only one migraine today and I slept it off. Sort of...