Facebook Fail and Fake Service Dogs

So I posted a test on Facebook last week. I wanted to see just how many of my "friends" would actually help me out. I mean, that's what friends do, right, help each other out? Yeah... well... after 3 days and not posting much else in "Friends" view (so it would be seen as my last post)... look for yourself.

So the Facebook friend "experiment" is over and results are as expected, if not worse. Looks like I'll just have to hope Delila can do well in her training to be my service dog, seeing as no one wants to help me spread the word to raise money for one. If she doesn't pass, I'm shit outta luck I guess. I'm not gonna pass her off as a service dog if she can't perform like one, unlike some people. More on that later.

I have awesome friends. /sarcasm And people wonder why I suffer from MDD. Look at the people I'm surrounded by! Granted, I have a couple gems, but you might as well try to light up a dark stadium with a keychain flashlight fob. Oh well, at least I don't delete facebook comments that agree with me on passive aggressive posts. Ugh, childish.

Super disappointed in the Woadies I've known for decades. Though I shouldn't be, not after finding out how many were right-wing-fend-for-yourself types. Funny, for a political group based on "Christian values". What ever happened to "Love thy neighbor"? What ever happened to the "What Would Jesus Do"? The group founded on anti-slavery, protection of civil liberties and wholly against the plantation system (that could be considered the "corporations" of the day), has become the group promoting corporate slavery, banning gay marriage, controlling healthcare for women and keeping the poor, poor. 

Socialism is not a bad word, they just love to twist that shit around because they want control through fear. How very Christian.

CW: A guild started by a far left liberal atheist with socialistic guild values... whoda thought these guys would be attracted to that? Maybe that's why we always had so many arguments in guild chat. 

They call us liberals "bleeding hearts". Shouldn't they be the ones all about caring for each other, spreading goodwill and peace? Instead they don't want to help the poor or those less fortunate than them and they glorify war, the military and gun ownership. What a confusing group of people.

Anyway, at least our dog trainer is coming back to help with extra training at no charge! Thank goodness ADA laws allow you to train your own dog. But they need to tighten the rules for those who buy service dog gear and certifications online just so they can take their dog everywhere. Don't these people know they're being ripped off and just making it harder for those with real service dogs? Real service dogs don't need identification harnesses or labels. Making it look like they do, is wrong. Although mine will have a backpack to hold my medication and medical info with a label to identify that pocket and a patch that says not to separate me from her, the law doesn't require me to prove my dog is a service dog in any shape or form. I don't have to put "Service Dog" anywhere! Businesses are only allowed to ask two questions. All we need to do is answer those two questions. They are not allowed to say "Let me see"  or "Prove it". But these fake people are promoting the whole "Prove it" thing to business owners and spreading the misconception that all service dogs come with identification. And if their fake service dog acts out, well, guess who looks bad? Real service dogs! As if things aren't hard enough being disabled. These people make me sick! Almost as sick as people who don't care for other people!

Source: Service Dog Central

Keeping Up With The ConGoers

Since my health went into it's downward spiral, I never thought I'd be as busy as I used to be, when I healthy, hanging out with friends nearly every day and clubbing with them once a week... hauling in reminiscent rant... but the past month has been unbelievably crazy!

Since starting my business, and finally deciding on the which direction I wanted to take it, it's been non-stop work. Work that I can do at my own pace. I'm standing, sitting or laying down whenever I need to. I don't think there's another job out there that would afford me such accommodations. In fact, I've only held one job that would even remotely come close and that was with Tribal Voice. Still one of the best jobs I ever had... reminiscing again.

Lately, with my own business, I've been buried in research, looking for decently priced suppliers for feathers, gems, beads, findings and such. Not to mention event coordinating and getting my business into trade shows and conventions, which I hope will be a boon in advertising and sales. Then, of course, I'm busy making stuff to sell. I have so many ideas I want to make reality that my hands (and wallet) can't keep up! Not having the materials or means to quickly manufacture my designs into reality is just a bit frustrating. But I soldier on, through the pain, impatience, frustration, because I know, eventually, everything will come together and I can show off my work with pride!

I still can't believe life lead me here, working with gems and beads, making jewelry (of sorts). Why? My entire life I rebelled against jewelry. My mom was - is - a jewelry fanatic, always buying stuff on ACN and the jewelry shopping networks. She's been forcing jewelry on me since I was little and had to wear jade bracelets, the kind that you have to break off when you out grew it. *sigh*

I'm currently set up to attend several trade shows/conventions this year, a new experience that I hope will be a positive one, helping me become less anxious. As long as my husband is with me and I have a table to be safe behind, I think I'll be fine. Pain levels, on the other hand, we'll just have to see how it goes. My first show is an anime convention, Tekkoshocon. I'm going to love dressing up as a Tayledras and I'm for sure going to dress as an Adept Mage, though I haven't figured out my name, clan or bondbird yet. I'm also going to dress as a Shin'a'in Trader from Kata'shin'a'in.

Not sure if I mentioned it before, but it was the Valdemar books by Mercedes Lackey that inspired me to start my own business making hair adornments! I love the descriptions she gives of the ones Firesong wears through out the series. I'm hoping to bring my interpretation of his hair feathers to life and share them with everyone! I've seen one person selling these hair "thongs", inspired by the same books, but I feel they were much too plain for someone like Firesong k'Treva. So I'm trying my hand at it, making elaborate, unique pieces, all handmade. Something I hope would do Firesong justice and gain approval from Misty herself!

BTW That's Darkwind in the pic just above. I couldn't find a good pic of Firesong with hair adornments. Oh, and I figure since so many people have drawn Hawkbrothers and Heralds in manga style, cosplaying one is fair game for an Anime convention!

My next show is the Steel City Con, a comic and toy show that boasts of being the largest toy show in the US! I wonder if any of the celebs will see my work and buy something, that'd be awesome!

After Steel City I'll be attending Anthrocon! WOOO Anthrocon! It's a Furry convention. If you have misconceptions about Furries, you need to quickly educate yourself. They're just people who love anthropomorphic animals. You know, mascots, Tom and Jerry cartoons, Thundercats, Mickey Mouse, werewolves, Yogi Bear and so on. I used to have some wild misconceptions about Furries.

When my daughter wanted to go with her friends to Anthrocon as a furry, I was a bit concerned about perverts at the convention (there are a few at every type of convention though, to be honest) and equated Furries as such, in general. I attended Anthrocon with her, at the very last minute when I heard Mercedes Lackey was going to be there. After spending the day at Anthrocon, I was rightly educated and fell in love with the Furry fandom. As for being a furry, I'm almost there. I'd love to be a gryphon! But the fur -err feather- suit might be too difficult for me to make and wear with my disabilities. So I've chosen to go as a Kyree.

This is a pic my daughter drew for me. The green and black fursuit head above is her's.

There are a couple other shows I'd like to be an exhibitor at for the US Pain foundation, all health related shows. Then there are the bead shows coming, 3 of them I think. I just want to attend the Bead Mercantile show in March but I'd like a space at the show in November, when they come back. The Intergalactic Bead Show is coming next month, but I think I'll just be a buyer there.

I got some really beautiful feathers in but I'm waiting for more findings to come in so I can weave my "magic" and create some beautiful pieces! I feel each one is a work of art. No two are ever exact and I pour my heart and soul into each piece. I just hope others love them as much as I do!

I think this was a long enough update. I still need to update the store blog!

P.S. I've opened a Listia account for giving away free stuff, check it out! You should see the widget at the top of my blog's right side column. Who knows what I'll throw in there!

Anxiety

I try not to leave the house. I know if I do, crossing a bridge is inevitable. When we do cross a bridge I have a good deathgrip on the door or seatbelt with one hand near the latch, quick release should we go over into the water. Breathe shallow or hold my breath, as if I'm trying conserve precious oxygen in car not yet flooded with water. Just bridges over water. I'm deathly afraid, possibly phobic, of drowning in a car. White knuckled it from VA to DE, Newport News to Norfolk, over Bay Bridge and Golden Gate going to Santa Rosa, CA. Passed out (wasn't driving) on the bridge over Lake Pontchartrain, puke coming off a bridge from GA to SC. I moved to the City of Bridges. What. An. Idiot!

Bridges aside, there are people. Crowds create more anxiety than sparsely populated areas. Hypervigilence.

Know my surroundings, what people are doing, who looks shady/out of place, scan for threats, visualize escape routes, what makes a good weapon, hiding spot, sit with my back against an obstacle.

- Like driving. Visualize all possible events and actions to take. Don't stay blocked in when moving freely. Don't stay behind large vehicles. Traffic? Stay on shouldered lanes, if there is no "out", breathe! - I have it down pat, just need a glance, gut instinct doesn't lie. The guy with the camera, the one hanging around the play area, does he have a kid there? No? Why is he there? Why is he taking pictures? What's that look on his face? Body language. Remember the face, the clothes, just in case. Pedophile. Note the time/day. The process runs in the background while I'm talking, walking, shopping. Like taking a snapshot. The mother with the daughter - no - neice? She didn't call her "mom" but she's comfortable. Irrelevant. No threat. Scan. Always, always, always be aware of surroundings. The only visual to come relatively close to my thought process is the newer Sherlock films, how Sherlock thought before he acted. That's how it is with me.

RR-PTSD is a bitch.

Eighteen

What a crazy year!

I can't believe I made it and succeeded in raising a good daughter! Sure, we had moments of eye-rolling and heavy sighing. There was the occasional stomping off and door slam. I mean, perfection isn't possible when raising kids! I tally my successes differently. She never did what I used to do. Which also turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. By that, I mean the "good" things I did, she didn't do. The "bad" things I did, she also didn't do. But there's a middle ground we both share: caring too much for others, and not enough for ourselves, that we end up being used by those we help. Unfortunately, I still fall prey to, as my mom puts it, "having a big heart". Maybe it's our nature. We give people more chances than they deserve. I always hope that people will see the errors they've made, without having to be told out right, a kind of self-realization that seems, glaringly apparent now, elusive to most people. We'll never learn, we just keep hoping. There are rare occasions, where we realize we're just too damned accommodating, that we'll tell ourselves enough is enough and the next person to "use" us, gets the boot. Bridge burned. No going back. Then we feel bad. Maybe if we'd given that person, after a dozen chances already, one more chance... what suckers we are.

Let's go back to my awesome daughter! Unlike me, she's has never snuck out of the house and she's never even run out of the house in a fit of rage! She's always been where she says she's going to be (GPS verified, unknown to her, or maybe she did know?) and she's home when she's supposed to be. I don't really tell my daughter when to be home when she goes out with friends, she gives me a time and she sticks to it. All I've ever asked her to do was tell me where she was going and who she was going to be with. I'd just ask her to be careful and to make the right choices. I made no calls to parents to verify, no texts every ten minutes to check up... she's been very responsible. I dunno if it's because she has a developmental disability (or, as I suspect, Asperger's) but she seems incapable of lying. I used to lie to my parents all the time, especially where I was going and who I'd be with. Growing up where I did (population less than five HUNDRED), you had to have a solid story and means to cover your tracks or the town gossip would have you plastered all over her small town paper column in a heartbeat. She had eyes (nearly) everywhere! It also didn't help that I lived right next door to her best friend, so I had to get incredibly creative! Maybe it's not that my daughter is incapable of lying, it's that she's incapable of being a good liar, at least to me. No... that's not it. She's very blunt and honest. Which many people take the wrong way because she doesn't spare feelings, one of the main reasons I believe she's an Aspie, she doesn't really have empathy for others. Think Sheldon, from The Big Bang Theory, that would be how my daughter is.

Up until about a year ago, I felt I hadn't bonded with her. This greatly distressed me and I had no idea how to handle it. All I could do was continue to be there when she needed me and be the one who would teach her about personal responsibility. Then, she started dating a kid from school. I was relieved that she had found someone to "feel" something for but as time went by, I noticed it wasn't so much about "feeling" as it was the "age-appropriate thing to do". Afterall, most of the girls she knew, not necessarily her friends, had boyfriends. I'd had "the talk" with her a long time ago and thought it'd be a good time for a refresher course. Things snowballed from there, in a bittersweet way. She was getting sexually suggestive texts from her boyfriend that she didn't know how to respond to. She brought them to me and I was like a deer in the headlights. She was actually asking for my advice! Instead of telling her what to do, I told her to think about it. Think about what she wanted to do, how she felt and wanted to respond. I nervously waited. Days went by and I wanted to ask her what she did and get all up in her business. Then it came, she ended the relationship. Yes, she cried. A sign her dad took as her being heartbroken. But I knew my daughter, she wasn't sad. When I went in to talk to her, she was all smiles and her eyes said it all. All that frustration she'd been holding in, because of her boyfriend, had finally been released. She cried more out of relief than sadness. She wasn't ready for sex and wasn't comfortable being pushed in that direction by her boyfriend. Making the right, for her, choices. She'd done it! She'd faced a major teen hurdle and overcome it herself. She's been a lot more open since then.

I'd never had that with my mom. My mother is from another country, where customs are different and she refused to learn new things unless an adult she knew told her something. I never got the "sex talk" from my mom. My parents let the school deal with that by signing a permission slip to attend "Sex Ed". These days, now that I'm almost 40, my mom is reaching out, but in the way you would to a teenage girl. It's rather silly how she tries to explain to me how to handle life and its ups and downs. Too little, too late. I vowed to never be that distant to me kids while they're growing up. And I can proudly say, I've not turned in to my mother!

(drafted post I forgot about and I'm just now posting LOL oooops!)