Amended Info for Listia

Due to new Listia users not reading the auction description, I've amended the information to draw attention to reading the auction desription FULLY.

My original auction descriptions ALL started off with "This auction is for VERIFIED Listians who ALSO have a VERIFIED address." Plain and simple, right?

Guess what?

Half my auctions started off with unverified users and a few even won my auctions. I only accepted their wins because they gave me at least half of what I asked for. However, some other auctions were won by unverified users without a VERIFIED address. Great. All they had to do was READ and this would be frustration free.

The other problems I've run into, rudeness, confusion and sarcasm. I played off sarcasm in my comments with humor but the rudeness in messages, I almost wanted to just refund the credits and block the person.

In one auction, 3 minutes after it ended, the person deanded to know when the item would be sent, again, an unverified user.

After posting the new info, my first message was one that stated they were confused, how? I don't know, seemed pretty clear to me!

So again, amended to add the highlighted part to the new information.

As much as I love Listia, some of the users can be a bit thick. So there is the explanation and the here is the new information going on all auctions.

⊹⊱✿DO NOT BID until you've read the following✿⊰⊹
⊹⊱✿This auction is for Listians who have a VERIFIED address.✿⊰⊹
Get Verified Here -----> http://www.listia.com/support/topic/verify
(More info after auction description, please read it)

´*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´
════════════
AUCTION DISCRIPTION GOES HERE
════════════
¸.•*(¸.•*´♥`*•.¸)`*•

⊹⊱✿Don't forget to check my other listings!✿⊰⊹

´*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´ INFO ´*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´
✪ Read the very first couple of lines in the auction description.
✪ Days won't be raised or lowered.
✪ I can no longer do ALL auctions with free shipping, so please don't ask me to drop shipping charges, remember these items are FREE (ie credits are NOT money) already!
✪ I only accept Paypal and popmoney for shipping fees: Send me your Paypal or popmoney email address and I'll send you an invoice.
✪ Items are sent First Class with tracking, in batches, 1-3 days after you've sent me a verified address.
✪ Watch my 2 twitter feeds for auction & shipping updates. @SanguineMoonPGH (Listia/business) and @LaughingBanshee (personal)
✪ I will not tolerate rudeness or sarcasm in comments.

Learning Listia

So, as I mentioned before, I've joined this site, Listia. Where you give and get free things. Remember how eBay started out? Remember when there weren't "Stores" or "Buyout" options? Like eBay once was, Listia is an internet flea market, whereas eBay has become a shopping mall. The biggest difference between Listia and eBay (aside from "size") is no real money exchanges hands, unless you pay for someone's shipping charge. You can avoid that by looking up auctions with Free Shipping.

When I did a random search on Listia, after becoming a member, I read a lot of articles about how the place was a scam. However, being a member in the short time that I've been, I can confidently say, Listia is not a scam! 

I love it there! As long as you're "Verified" (using your phone to get a one time automated call for a code and linking your facebook), it's smooth sailing. People will happily bid on your items and even "Fan" (ie Follow) you. The key word here is "Verified". Like most auction sites, Listia has its fair share of scammers. These people are often unverified, because their accounts keep getting deleted and they keep making new ones; unless they have an unlimited number of phones at their disposal, they can't get verified. People don't like dealing with unverified users, scammers are unverified. 

Things I Learned

I'd suggest posting your auctions with free shipping when you start. Many people avoid auctions with shipping fees, like the plague!

Don't pay for credits, that's just silliness. When you list an auction you get points, you comment you get points, when you answer comments you get points, when you bid, when you win, when you sell, when you watch videos, when you connect FB and twitter (you can make a new twitter just for Listia, set it and forget it, like most people do), you get points. 

I suggest starting with small, light stuff that can be shipped first class using a regular envelope with a stamp or using Paypal (free tracking numbers through Paypal, always use Paypal for shipping if you need more than a stamp!) 

I definitely don't suggest putting any moderate to high priced items on Listia until you are well established. I put one of my hair feathers up, the type that sells for $25. How much did I get? 2770 credits... talk about giving things away! 10,000 would've been acceptable, rough half of what the actual value of it was. So I learned. I posted a tier auction to make sure the winner only got what they paid in credits for. See what happened? Although Credits are not real money, we (or at last I did) start to think of them as such.

Stickers, used gift cards with more than $1 on them (less than a dollar is against the rules), trading cards... people even sell their own drawings on there, start with those. With gift cards you can use digital delivery and just send the code. No shipping costs! Just be careful that the buyer doesn't turn around and try to say the code didn't work. Keep the receipt you used to buy the gift card, also keep a copy of the number and pin if you can. That way, you can verify if the card was used or not by the other person. Heck, pick small things up at the dollar store or thrift shop. Costume/Fashion jewelry seem to sell well.

And get verified using your phone and linking facebook. The only call you'll get is an automated call with a verification code. Listia doesn't bother you after that. With Facebook, you can set Listia permissions to where only YOU see them. 

Also, put in the description of your first auction that bidders must be verified users with verified addresses. Unverified people also like to win things and then report you after they get it so they can get their credits back. This is why tracking numbers are so important and why using Paypal is the best, the tracking is free. Tracking numbers prove that you sent the item and they got it, so they can't say you never sent it. Sending your items to a verified address is covered by Listia Assurance. Request verified addresses and make sure your address is verified. It takes less than a minute.

Try to avoid auctions with shipping costs, unless it's something you really want and feel it's worth the shipping cost. Listia is truly free if you avoid a user's shipping charges!

Don't bid on anything by an unverified user! Especially if they're using stock photos or selling something REALLY good, like new Alienware laptops or iPhones/iPads. Always read comments and just "Watch" if you aren't sure. They end up getting deleted in a day or two.

And you don't have to input your CC, Paypal, or bank info. This place isn't the scam some wannabes think it is. 

I've made a ton of connections and friends here and got a bunch of useful (NEW) stuff! The best thing is, you can message a fellow crafter and work a deal to get more of their items, specially made for you. 

If you want to know what a credit is worth, the general consensus is 1000 credits = $1. 

Remember, don't buy credits. 

In the month I've been there, I've gotten over 50k in credits and surprise bonus credits just selling, bidding and commenting. I think you get 250 credits for your first auction. 

New users have to wait to get credits when they first start. When you've sold 5 things and got 5 positive feedback, you get your "Wings" and then credits are usually given to you immediately after an auction.

Make sure you read the Listia policy on what's "legal" to put up.

You can follow my twitter @SanguineMoonPGH or my Facebook for updates on what I'm giving away!

Facebook Fail and Fake Service Dogs

So I posted a test on Facebook last week. I wanted to see just how many of my "friends" would actually help me out. I mean, that's what friends do, right, help each other out? Yeah... well... after 3 days and not posting much else in "Friends" view (so it would be seen as my last post)... look for yourself.

So the Facebook friend "experiment" is over and results are as expected, if not worse. Looks like I'll just have to hope Delila can do well in her training to be my service dog, seeing as no one wants to help me spread the word to raise money for one. If she doesn't pass, I'm shit outta luck I guess. I'm not gonna pass her off as a service dog if she can't perform like one, unlike some people. More on that later.

I have awesome friends. /sarcasm And people wonder why I suffer from MDD. Look at the people I'm surrounded by! Granted, I have a couple gems, but you might as well try to light up a dark stadium with a keychain flashlight fob. Oh well, at least I don't delete facebook comments that agree with me on passive aggressive posts. Ugh, childish.

Super disappointed in the Woadies I've known for decades. Though I shouldn't be, not after finding out how many were right-wing-fend-for-yourself types. Funny, for a political group based on "Christian values". What ever happened to "Love thy neighbor"? What ever happened to the "What Would Jesus Do"? The group founded on anti-slavery, protection of civil liberties and wholly against the plantation system (that could be considered the "corporations" of the day), has become the group promoting corporate slavery, banning gay marriage, controlling healthcare for women and keeping the poor, poor. 

Socialism is not a bad word, they just love to twist that shit around because they want control through fear. How very Christian.

CW: A guild started by a far left liberal atheist with socialistic guild values... whoda thought these guys would be attracted to that? Maybe that's why we always had so many arguments in guild chat. 

They call us liberals "bleeding hearts". Shouldn't they be the ones all about caring for each other, spreading goodwill and peace? Instead they don't want to help the poor or those less fortunate than them and they glorify war, the military and gun ownership. What a confusing group of people.

Anyway, at least our dog trainer is coming back to help with extra training at no charge! Thank goodness ADA laws allow you to train your own dog. But they need to tighten the rules for those who buy service dog gear and certifications online just so they can take their dog everywhere. Don't these people know they're being ripped off and just making it harder for those with real service dogs? Real service dogs don't need identification harnesses or labels. Making it look like they do, is wrong. Although mine will have a backpack to hold my medication and medical info with a label to identify that pocket and a patch that says not to separate me from her, the law doesn't require me to prove my dog is a service dog in any shape or form. I don't have to put "Service Dog" anywhere! Businesses are only allowed to ask two questions. All we need to do is answer those two questions. They are not allowed to say "Let me see"  or "Prove it". But these fake people are promoting the whole "Prove it" thing to business owners and spreading the misconception that all service dogs come with identification. And if their fake service dog acts out, well, guess who looks bad? Real service dogs! As if things aren't hard enough being disabled. These people make me sick! Almost as sick as people who don't care for other people!

Source: Service Dog Central

Keeping Up With The ConGoers

Since my health went into it's downward spiral, I never thought I'd be as busy as I used to be, when I healthy, hanging out with friends nearly every day and clubbing with them once a week... hauling in reminiscent rant... but the past month has been unbelievably crazy!

Since starting my business, and finally deciding on the which direction I wanted to take it, it's been non-stop work. Work that I can do at my own pace. I'm standing, sitting or laying down whenever I need to. I don't think there's another job out there that would afford me such accommodations. In fact, I've only held one job that would even remotely come close and that was with Tribal Voice. Still one of the best jobs I ever had... reminiscing again.

Lately, with my own business, I've been buried in research, looking for decently priced suppliers for feathers, gems, beads, findings and such. Not to mention event coordinating and getting my business into trade shows and conventions, which I hope will be a boon in advertising and sales. Then, of course, I'm busy making stuff to sell. I have so many ideas I want to make reality that my hands (and wallet) can't keep up! Not having the materials or means to quickly manufacture my designs into reality is just a bit frustrating. But I soldier on, through the pain, impatience, frustration, because I know, eventually, everything will come together and I can show off my work with pride!

I still can't believe life lead me here, working with gems and beads, making jewelry (of sorts). Why? My entire life I rebelled against jewelry. My mom was - is - a jewelry fanatic, always buying stuff on ACN and the jewelry shopping networks. She's been forcing jewelry on me since I was little and had to wear jade bracelets, the kind that you have to break off when you out grew it. *sigh*

I'm currently set up to attend several trade shows/conventions this year, a new experience that I hope will be a positive one, helping me become less anxious. As long as my husband is with me and I have a table to be safe behind, I think I'll be fine. Pain levels, on the other hand, we'll just have to see how it goes. My first show is an anime convention, Tekkoshocon. I'm going to love dressing up as a Tayledras and I'm for sure going to dress as an Adept Mage, though I haven't figured out my name, clan or bondbird yet. I'm also going to dress as a Shin'a'in Trader from Kata'shin'a'in.

Not sure if I mentioned it before, but it was the Valdemar books by Mercedes Lackey that inspired me to start my own business making hair adornments! I love the descriptions she gives of the ones Firesong wears through out the series. I'm hoping to bring my interpretation of his hair feathers to life and share them with everyone! I've seen one person selling these hair "thongs", inspired by the same books, but I feel they were much too plain for someone like Firesong k'Treva. So I'm trying my hand at it, making elaborate, unique pieces, all handmade. Something I hope would do Firesong justice and gain approval from Misty herself!

BTW That's Darkwind in the pic just above. I couldn't find a good pic of Firesong with hair adornments. Oh, and I figure since so many people have drawn Hawkbrothers and Heralds in manga style, cosplaying one is fair game for an Anime convention!

My next show is the Steel City Con, a comic and toy show that boasts of being the largest toy show in the US! I wonder if any of the celebs will see my work and buy something, that'd be awesome!

After Steel City I'll be attending Anthrocon! WOOO Anthrocon! It's a Furry convention. If you have misconceptions about Furries, you need to quickly educate yourself. They're just people who love anthropomorphic animals. You know, mascots, Tom and Jerry cartoons, Thundercats, Mickey Mouse, werewolves, Yogi Bear and so on. I used to have some wild misconceptions about Furries.

When my daughter wanted to go with her friends to Anthrocon as a furry, I was a bit concerned about perverts at the convention (there are a few at every type of convention though, to be honest) and equated Furries as such, in general. I attended Anthrocon with her, at the very last minute when I heard Mercedes Lackey was going to be there. After spending the day at Anthrocon, I was rightly educated and fell in love with the Furry fandom. As for being a furry, I'm almost there. I'd love to be a gryphon! But the fur -err feather- suit might be too difficult for me to make and wear with my disabilities. So I've chosen to go as a Kyree.

This is a pic my daughter drew for me. The green and black fursuit head above is her's.

There are a couple other shows I'd like to be an exhibitor at for the US Pain foundation, all health related shows. Then there are the bead shows coming, 3 of them I think. I just want to attend the Bead Mercantile show in March but I'd like a space at the show in November, when they come back. The Intergalactic Bead Show is coming next month, but I think I'll just be a buyer there.

I got some really beautiful feathers in but I'm waiting for more findings to come in so I can weave my "magic" and create some beautiful pieces! I feel each one is a work of art. No two are ever exact and I pour my heart and soul into each piece. I just hope others love them as much as I do!

I think this was a long enough update. I still need to update the store blog!

P.S. I've opened a Listia account for giving away free stuff, check it out! You should see the widget at the top of my blog's right side column. Who knows what I'll throw in there!

Anxiety

I try not to leave the house. I know if I do, crossing a bridge is inevitable. When we do cross a bridge I have a good deathgrip on the door or seatbelt with one hand near the latch, quick release should we go over into the water. Breathe shallow or hold my breath, as if I'm trying conserve precious oxygen in car not yet flooded with water. Just bridges over water. I'm deathly afraid, possibly phobic, of drowning in a car. White knuckled it from VA to DE, Newport News to Norfolk, over Bay Bridge and Golden Gate going to Santa Rosa, CA. Passed out (wasn't driving) on the bridge over Lake Pontchartrain, puke coming off a bridge from GA to SC. I moved to the City of Bridges. What. An. Idiot!

Bridges aside, there are people. Crowds create more anxiety than sparsely populated areas. Hypervigilence.

Know my surroundings, what people are doing, who looks shady/out of place, scan for threats, visualize escape routes, what makes a good weapon, hiding spot, sit with my back against an obstacle.

- Like driving. Visualize all possible events and actions to take. Don't stay blocked in when moving freely. Don't stay behind large vehicles. Traffic? Stay on shouldered lanes, if there is no "out", breathe! - I have it down pat, just need a glance, gut instinct doesn't lie. The guy with the camera, the one hanging around the play area, does he have a kid there? No? Why is he there? Why is he taking pictures? What's that look on his face? Body language. Remember the face, the clothes, just in case. Pedophile. Note the time/day. The process runs in the background while I'm talking, walking, shopping. Like taking a snapshot. The mother with the daughter - no - neice? She didn't call her "mom" but she's comfortable. Irrelevant. No threat. Scan. Always, always, always be aware of surroundings. The only visual to come relatively close to my thought process is the newer Sherlock films, how Sherlock thought before he acted. That's how it is with me.

RR-PTSD is a bitch.

Eighteen

What a crazy year!

I can't believe I made it and succeeded in raising a good daughter! Sure, we had moments of eye-rolling and heavy sighing. There was the occasional stomping off and door slam. I mean, perfection isn't possible when raising kids! I tally my successes differently. She never did what I used to do. Which also turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. By that, I mean the "good" things I did, she didn't do. The "bad" things I did, she also didn't do. But there's a middle ground we both share: caring too much for others, and not enough for ourselves, that we end up being used by those we help. Unfortunately, I still fall prey to, as my mom puts it, "having a big heart". Maybe it's our nature. We give people more chances than they deserve. I always hope that people will see the errors they've made, without having to be told out right, a kind of self-realization that seems, glaringly apparent now, elusive to most people. We'll never learn, we just keep hoping. There are rare occasions, where we realize we're just too damned accommodating, that we'll tell ourselves enough is enough and the next person to "use" us, gets the boot. Bridge burned. No going back. Then we feel bad. Maybe if we'd given that person, after a dozen chances already, one more chance... what suckers we are.

Let's go back to my awesome daughter! Unlike me, she's has never snuck out of the house and she's never even run out of the house in a fit of rage! She's always been where she says she's going to be (GPS verified, unknown to her, or maybe she did know?) and she's home when she's supposed to be. I don't really tell my daughter when to be home when she goes out with friends, she gives me a time and she sticks to it. All I've ever asked her to do was tell me where she was going and who she was going to be with. I'd just ask her to be careful and to make the right choices. I made no calls to parents to verify, no texts every ten minutes to check up... she's been very responsible. I dunno if it's because she has a developmental disability (or, as I suspect, Asperger's) but she seems incapable of lying. I used to lie to my parents all the time, especially where I was going and who I'd be with. Growing up where I did (population less than five HUNDRED), you had to have a solid story and means to cover your tracks or the town gossip would have you plastered all over her small town paper column in a heartbeat. She had eyes (nearly) everywhere! It also didn't help that I lived right next door to her best friend, so I had to get incredibly creative! Maybe it's not that my daughter is incapable of lying, it's that she's incapable of being a good liar, at least to me. No... that's not it. She's very blunt and honest. Which many people take the wrong way because she doesn't spare feelings, one of the main reasons I believe she's an Aspie, she doesn't really have empathy for others. Think Sheldon, from The Big Bang Theory, that would be how my daughter is.

Up until about a year ago, I felt I hadn't bonded with her. This greatly distressed me and I had no idea how to handle it. All I could do was continue to be there when she needed me and be the one who would teach her about personal responsibility. Then, she started dating a kid from school. I was relieved that she had found someone to "feel" something for but as time went by, I noticed it wasn't so much about "feeling" as it was the "age-appropriate thing to do". Afterall, most of the girls she knew, not necessarily her friends, had boyfriends. I'd had "the talk" with her a long time ago and thought it'd be a good time for a refresher course. Things snowballed from there, in a bittersweet way. She was getting sexually suggestive texts from her boyfriend that she didn't know how to respond to. She brought them to me and I was like a deer in the headlights. She was actually asking for my advice! Instead of telling her what to do, I told her to think about it. Think about what she wanted to do, how she felt and wanted to respond. I nervously waited. Days went by and I wanted to ask her what she did and get all up in her business. Then it came, she ended the relationship. Yes, she cried. A sign her dad took as her being heartbroken. But I knew my daughter, she wasn't sad. When I went in to talk to her, she was all smiles and her eyes said it all. All that frustration she'd been holding in, because of her boyfriend, had finally been released. She cried more out of relief than sadness. She wasn't ready for sex and wasn't comfortable being pushed in that direction by her boyfriend. Making the right, for her, choices. She'd done it! She'd faced a major teen hurdle and overcome it herself. She's been a lot more open since then.

I'd never had that with my mom. My mother is from another country, where customs are different and she refused to learn new things unless an adult she knew told her something. I never got the "sex talk" from my mom. My parents let the school deal with that by signing a permission slip to attend "Sex Ed". These days, now that I'm almost 40, my mom is reaching out, but in the way you would to a teenage girl. It's rather silly how she tries to explain to me how to handle life and its ups and downs. Too little, too late. I vowed to never be that distant to me kids while they're growing up. And I can proudly say, I've not turned in to my mother!

(drafted post I forgot about and I'm just now posting LOL oooops!)

Glutton for punishment?

You'd think I'd learn after my first attempt at starting my own retail business. It was such an epic fail that I should be banned from even trying to start another one LOL Ugh! I'm a horrible sales person. I can sell words and ideas, but retail products... well, I can't bring myself to lie about how good an item is when I didn't make it or have experience with it.

When I worked at Dillard's I had to sell watches. If a customer knew what they wanted, no problem. really know anything about. It was always about selling the highest priced item the customer could afford and the Gucci watches were always the first ones I had to show. Maybe if I'd had a supervisor or a senior employee, who had a lot of experience with watches, training or working with me I would've done better.

When a customer came in asking for the "best" or "longest lasting", I knew what to say, I just couldn't bring myself to convince them to have confidence in an item I didn't

Then there was the wholesale/retail business I had with my dad. He convinced me to start a business using products from a late night infomercial. It sounded simple. Buy at wholesale prices (which were actually really cheap) and sell at any price above that. I could buy full sized swords for $12 and sell them for $80! The problem was that I didn't feel right about selling the cheaply made, albeit nice
looking, products for prices much higher than I bought them for. They really were crap items. Shit wrapped in glittering paper. It seemed everyone in the world was selling the same things I was, even on eBay, where I sold a little Cherub set for $8, bought for $4.50. I didn't profit because of the shipping cost. Go me and my horrible math skills! At least I was good at keeping records. Total loss ended up being a couple grand. (As an aside, while looking up photos of cherubs to post here, I ran across this site. Freaky!)

And here I am again. Starting another business so I have something to do. This time, I'm selling my own handmade items. At least these I can stand behind. I still can't sell them for much more than what I bought the materials for and I have no idea how much my time is worth to add to the product's price. We'll just have to see how this turns out. At least my web host has given me around $250 to spend on Twitter, Google and Facebook advertising. I'm hoping to take advantage of social media this time, something I didn't have before. I want to sell at local conventions and festivals too. I just don't know how I'm going to do it with my chronic pain issues.

I don't plan on getting rich, I just want to offload all the things I'll be making since I don't have room to keep them all LOL! Okay, and earn some spending cash for the movies or something. Maybe that'll help too, being in a different mindset. I still think I'm crazy for even trying. I got through registering my business with the PA Dept of Revenue though, so I guess I should at least see it all the way through. I got my fingers crossed that I do good this time and can make a little extra spending cash.

All Done, I Think

Decided on making this blog public, kind of encouraged by a few peeps on Twitter. So I had to go through and edit some stuff (like names...) and move posts from one (I have 4) blogs to this one. This will be my main blog. I won't be separating things into separate blogs anymore, you'll just have to take the dark with the light and the "norm" with the geekiness. Though, I haven't moved my WoW posts here. RP stays with RP.

Now that I'm done, and my wrists have been sufficiently tortured, I'm going to lay down!

P.S. Sorry to those who got blasted with emails, I've rectified the problem LOL

Hey, new year, new stuff

I'm really bad at blogging. I only blog, what, maybe 3 times a year? LOL Anyway, really don't have much to say spending most of my time on twitter and FB. Went back to playing WoW. Been really tired. I've been on Cymbalta, Neurontin and Fentanyl. We seem to be getting real close to a good combination of meds for me. Right now, I just wanna nap.

New, AMAZING, Doc!

I got to see the new doc today and, lemme just say, she's awesome! She had a very light load of patients today because she wanted to spend time with each of us. She'd gone over all our records the week before to catch up. How cool is that?

I spent about an hour and a half with her. After explaining to her what was going on and how frustrated I was with the previous doc (she understood) she said it was obvious I had Fibromyalgia. Uhh, what? She examined, poked and prodded me. She pressed on places that ended up hurting that I hadn't even noticed would hurt! She said they were tender points and I had 11 of them "today". She explained I could have up to 18 tender points on any given day since pain tends to "move around".

She also went through my blood work and wondered why I hadn't been treated  properly for my severely low, 7, Vit D levels. Also, my bloodwork showed really high t-cell counts, like 15k high and she wondered why nothing was done for that. My old doc seems to have screwed up with my healthcare, no surprise!

So I walked out with RXs for Cymbalta, Diclofenac patches, Diclofenac and Soma. She says it's going to take a while to find the right medications to help me, but she said "We're going to get you your lie back." I cried! Finally, someone who listens and explains and understands! I hope she never goes away!

Fuck Cancer

So my friend, and fellow Woadie, is fighting cancer. The news hit me like a mac truck (as if I didn't feel like that everyday already!) But yeah. I wasn't expecting to cry, but I did. She's younger than me and has stage 4 cancer in all her "lady parts". I dunno the name, she told me but it was long and my brain didn't want to try and pronounce it.

So in support of her starting going through chemo, I shaved my head. Yup SHAVED it! Took all 27" off! Here's my braid:

Guess I'm crazy huh? LOL

Personality Upload

Okay, this was a dream I had, so lots of holes and such, but looking to see if anything like this has been made into a movie. If not, I'm going to write it out and probably even script it. Has elements of Lawnmower Man and Millennium Man. I think a SeaQuest episode may have had something similar too. Can't remember. Capt was talking to his dead wife, a holographic representation but I don't think her personality was there.

On to it then. 

When I died, my memories and personality were stored on a computer in a beta test opened to only a few hundred randomly picked people for new preservation tech. I could be accessed at anytime when I was kept on. It made my death easier for my family to handle. It was like I never died.

Reports came in that some others were destroyed due to angry family members, home fires & floods, willing disconnects & natural disasters. Soon, only a few dozen of the original group were left.

Time moved forward. I watched my family age, my husband die, my kids & my grand kids grow up. But I was being powered down more frequently due to an energy crises. Being powered down was akin to being sedated. I could tell time was passing, but not the amount. It wasn't long before I was accessed less and less. Then, eventually, forgotten. The programming didn't take away emotions, so I felt lonely & frustrated, depressed & sad.

Years later I was finally accessed again. My great great granddaughter, a sad, neglected, 11 year old child, who bore a striking resemblance to myself, found me in the attic of the family home. I was among family heirlooms, passed down and stored away.

Her name was Arlene, but she preferred Arly. She kept me a secret from her family. I would come to learn that her parents were too involved with work and social parties to pay much attention to her & she was constantly bullied in school.

As we learned about each other, we realized how much we had in common. We formed a mother-daughter relationship, complete with the occasional argument.

Arly found out the company that first produced the preservation pc had gone out of business due to problems with the "product". They couldn't turn off our emotions & personalities, it was the basis of their entire program.

The technology became reviled soon after it opened to the general public. Those who had come after me included many jealous, controlling, manipulating people who could afford the tech. Many ended up tearing their families apart instead of keeping them together.

Then you had the murder victims, those who were forced into this new existence to solve their crimes. They were bitter & angry at having their real life cut short and forced into a "fake" one. Many of them were shut down & destroyed by family who could no longer take the abuse.

People wanted family members preserved without their personalities & emotions, but still wanted to access memories and information.

A new company achieved this using 3D holograms of emotionless verbal data banks with no trace of personalities. Families were able to change the appearance of their dead family member for a fee. Credits were used to buy virtual clothing, body parts, hair styles. They were 3D paper dolls who could be turned into anything, even aliens & monsters, without complaint.

It was a farce, no love or respect for the family member lost. They had become novelties, like avatars from the XBox 360.

It disgusted me. A move backward, not forward. Arly was also appalled and vowed to never do that to me. I was grateful, but allowed myself to think that being deleted might be for the best. I wouldn't age, but Arly would. Who knew what would become of me when Arly moved on or passed away. Arly assured me she'd find a way.

Years rolled by, Arly grew into an intelligent, confident teenager, excelling in school. As we were talking about senior prom, her mom came up to the attic. One of those rare moments when she remembered she had a daughter. She saw Arly talking to me and was horrified, thinking I was one of the "bad ones"! She rushed a tearful Arly out of the attic. I yelled out to Arly to stay strong, that the red dress was the one she should wear to prom & to do keep doing good in school.

Her mom looked at me hatefully and screamed that I wasn't Arly's mother. Then she smashed my pc to bits & everything went dark. Disheartened, saddened, angry, I screamed through the darkness, but no one else could hear it.

After a time, I'm startled from my "slumber" as I felt energy rush through me. Arly, now an adult in her 30s, had found a way to repair me. With an upgrade! I was turned into a hologram. Unlike the robotic-like holograms, I had my personality & emotions. I could also wander her home freely through a series of lasers set into what looked like lighting tracks, set throughout the home. She invented the system. She surprised me by saying she spent years tracking down as many pcs like me and had built something even more extraordinary. I spent a few days, exploring my new found freedom. Arly then said it was time for the big reveal but she has to shut me down for travel.

When I'm powered up again, I'm in an extremely large building on a vast plot of land, at least 5000 acres, fully powered by renewable energy. There were different levels below and above ground. The building housed 23 large apartments for each preservation pc, virtual stores with digital products we could actually manipulate and entertainment areas that allowed us to access every bit of media that was ever created.

Outside had parks, ponds, a lake, gardens, a sports arena & sports fields, like it's own little town. And that's what it was. It was a protected area, in the way National Parks were protected.

People could visit and learn about the past, not just facts, but how we FELT in the era we were from. Others, like me & who were willing, were moved here. We'd never be shut off here and we had everything we could want, even AI pets of every type, with restrictions to size. Dinosaurs & dragons could be no bigger than a horse. They were incredibly realistic, but, thankfully, programmed to not be aggressive.

So we lived, content, teaching others, sharing memories, making new memories, forming new bonds. Building new confidence in the combination of new & old technology. 

Stupid Doctors

I honestly don't know what's wrong with mine. He's such a jerk. Never looks at me, never explains anything, gives vague info when I ask. He just throws prescriptions at me. Now he wants me on Oxycontin. Ugh. I HATE narcos!

I wish there were other doctors nearby that I could see. I hear this doc is leaving soon and another one, a female, is coming in September. Here's to hoping SHE can help me and not throw pills at me for something I'm still unclear of having. All I know is that I have Osteoarthritis, bulging discs, degenerative disc disease L5 and S1. Apparently the Osteo is what's causing pain everywhere? I don't get it. Something isn't gelling here.

And the pain center doc is really pushing the epidural steroid injection. I had one, now my hips are killing me and the nerve pain is on my left side now. Yay, nerve pain in BOTH my legs! And I'm supposed to give them another try? The PA said I needed a second one because "the first injection just went after the swelling, the second would target the nerve pain." Oh my, do I have nano-steroids in my body? Were these steroids actually able to tell the difference between my swollen tissue and nerves? AMAZING! I feel so Sci-Fi! (Sarcasm). Whatever. I think the pain doc is just trying to push his research on me. Sorry, I'm not your fucking guinea pig and never agreed to being as such, especially without compensation!

For Those Without Chronic Pain

TIPS FOR DEALING WITH PEOPLE IN PAIN

1. People with chronic pain seem unreliable (we can’t count on ourselves). When feeling better we promise things (and mean it); when in serious pain, we may not even show up.

2. An action or situation may result in pain several hours later, or even the next day. Delayed pain is confusing to people who have never experienced it.

3. Pain can inhibit listening and other communication skills. It’s like having someone shouting at you, or trying to talk with a fire alarm going off in the room. The effect of pain on the mind can seem like attention deficit disorder. So you may have to repeat a request, or write things down for a person with chronic pain. Don’t take it personally, or think that they are stupid.

4. The senses can overload while in pain. For example, noises that wouldn’t normally bother you, seem too much.

5. Patience may seem short. We can’t wait in a long line; can’t wait for a long drawn out conversation.

6. Don’t always ask “how are you” unless you are genuinely prepared to listen it just points attention inward.

7. Pain can sometimes trigger psychological disabilities (usually very temporary). When in pain, a small task, like hanging out the laundry, can seem like a huge wall, too high to climb over. An hour later the same job may be quite OK. It is sane to be depressed occasionally when you hurt.

8. Pain can come on fairly quickly and unexpectedly. Pain sometimes abates after a short rest. Chronic pain people appear to arrive and fade unpredictably to others.

9. Knowing where a refuge is, such as a couch, a bed, or comfortable chair, is as important as knowing where a bathroom is. A visit is much more enjoyable if the chronic pain person knows there is a refuge if needed. A person with chronic pain may not want to go anywhere that has no refuge (e.g.no place to sit or lie down).

10. Small acts of kindness can seem like huge acts of mercy to a person in pain. Your offer of a pillow or a cup of tea can be a really big thing to a person who is feeling temporarily helpless in the face of encroaching pain.

11. Not all pain is easy to locate or describe. Sometimes there is a body-wide feeling of discomfort, with hard to describe pains in the entire back, or in both legs, but not in one particular spot you can point to. Our vocabulary for pain is very limited, compared to the body’s ability to feel varieties of discomfort.

12. We may not have a good “reason” for the pain. Medical science is still limited in its understanding of pain. Many people have pain that is not yet classified by doctors as an officially recognized “disease”. That does not reduce the pain, – it only reduces our ability to give it a label, and to have you believe us.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

Puppies!

We've been looking to get a couple Australian Shepherds or Border Collies for a long while. Well, a friend told me about a lady on a farm who had some puppies for sale. I contacted her and I had intended to get just one puppy. Only two girls were born, both reds. One was a light red bi and the other a liver tri. The boys were all black bi. When I went to the farm, I was greeted by the pups' dad. A gorgeous red bi, a color between the two pups I would see. I saw the light red pup immediate ans she came romping up to me with the other female right behind her. I picked up the light red and she was so adorable and gave me kisses. I KNEW she was the one I wanted! Then, I felt something on my leg. The little liver tri was standing, her front paws on my leg looking up at me. My heart melted! I picked her up too and got the same greeting.

All puppies are cute, I think all dog lovers can agree! I was torn, I could only afford one pup and I didn't know which one to choose! Well, the lady, who was not a breeder, saw my torment and told me to take both for one price. REALLY?! Holy shit! I couldn't thank her enough! I didn't have to choose! And I don't know many exclamation points I can use in this paragraph! I was just so thrilled! I still am!

So I take both girls home and since the kids were coming home soon, and honestly these were going to be THEIR pups. They had each been begging for their own dogs for AGES! Anyway, my son would be first one home which meant he'd get to choose his puppy. I knew my daughter, she wouldn't care which one she got as long as she got one!

As we waited,  I set up the baby gate and put the pups in there with some potty pads. Our cat was real quick to meet the new members of the family and jumped in the corral with them. Brave cat! But I guess he wanted to make sure these girls new the rules of the house!

My son gets home, sees the puppies and drops EVERYTHING! In a split second he was down on the floor with puppies crawling all over him. I told him to choose one and he picked the light red, naming her Riley. He said it's because she was red and he was thinking she needed an Irish name, Riley was the first irish sounding name he could come up with.

Half an hour later, my daughter comes home. She doesn't even LOOK in our direction and completely ignored my call outs. She was wearing headphones, typical teenager LOL! But once she rounded the kitchen and came to the living room the other way, she saw the liver tri pup sitting in the middle of the floor and squealed! She chose the name Delila for her pup since they were doing mythology in one of her classes.

So there we go, two extremely happy kids and puppies! We only had one problem. Hubby was at work and still thought we were only getting one pup. Uhhh..... heh! Thankfully, when he got home, all he did was grumble a bit. He fell for both the pups and it all ended on a great note. First day home and the girls learned "sit", "up" and "down". Smart girls! It had been an exhausting day and I was spent. My pain was ramping up but I was happy that everyone had worn themselves out. Even Big Brother Toboe! Mama is going to take advantage of the naptime and lay down too!

Maybe for a gnome...

But better in describing Arthas!

Endless stairs
A guiding light
It seems to shine bright
But it's cold
Wicked signs will mark our way
Wicked signs will mark our way
Mark our way
Mark our way
Call me Messiah - I am god
A true lord but alone
Call me a liar - oh I won't deny
That I'm mad
Am I evil am I good
Mad existence, faith and greed
The universe a gallows Pole
Extinction of the living soul
Towards the sun we'll keep moving
Fate I hold in hand
Dancing 'til the end
I am condemned
Oh I bring all mankind's end
The end
Oh I've seen
All life die
A shattered heart an empty soul
Just one false move and it took its toll
The rising of an evil seed
I can't describe the pain I feel
Outside it's dark inside it's cold
The sun still shines bright
But its time is short
Endless stairs
A guiding light
That once was warm
But now it's bitter cold
It's freezing hearts
It's freezing souls
Soon icy shades will cover all
It pretends to be alive
It pretends to be alive
Be alive
Be alive
Be alive
Collapse of the mother
All will die
The void it frightens me
I've faced the demon
And he dwells inside
And when I laugh it's tears I hide
And when I cry it's joy inside
A foul disease has stained the land
The bitter harvest of a dying bloom
And when I cry it's joy inside
A wicked smile for all the tears I hide
It hurts to hold all the pain I feel
The bitter harvest of a dying bloom
Nothing is real
Nothing but him
-Gallows Pole - Demons & Wizards

Updateage

So much has happened since I last wrote. Bad things. I won't go over them here, I'm just glad its all done and over with! It's a new year and last year ended on a great note and this year has been great so far! Karma rules!

Reconnected with Heather and Toby on Facebook, awesomesauce! Participated in a writing competition with them in November and, because we're uberfantastic, we all won! Although I am far from finishing my story. It was put on hold because the issue I'm dealing with at the ending of part one is very touchy and, if not handled correctly, could destroy the entire story and things in part two! There's a ton of gunpowder on a wooden bridge and I have to cross it with a flaming torch. EEEEEEK!

In game news, I joined my DK into a really great raiding guild, Templar, and opened our leveling guild, Clan Woad, to all RP toons and gave my DK her own RP blog. Former members of Woad have joined in Clan which makes me happier than can be! Clan Woad was the name of our guild back in the Diablo/UO Beta days (nearly 15 years ago!)

How about that car there? I don't like BMWs but the World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King artwork is awesome! Wonder if the guy plays a DK?

 
I also spotted this on the net, seriously, I wanna play with these people in the game as they share my passion for The Lich King! And hubby thought I was little too passionate LOL these people outdo me by miles! Not only is the dude with the Lich King license plate one lucky SOB, he's even luckier to be wearing epic loot! Although I can't see Arthas driving an SUV or a beemer...


Health-wise, still not getting any better, although, if I had been able to see a doctor I'd probably be right as rain about now. As it stands, I can't even vacuum without hours of pain afterward. Health insurance through the contractor my hubby is employed through is so ridiculously expensive that we can't afford the co-pay and 20% that isn't covered.

However! Hubby's is now back, after being screwed over by someone and their drug habit, in the good graces of the company he is contracted with and will hopefully get hired on permanently soon! It was scary there for a while. Hubby almost lost his job, which would've meant we'd lose this house. No one ever listens to me. People get this "That won't happen to me" idea in their heads and it drives me crazy to know people are that stupid. Stupid people need to stay out of my life, especially when they put us in that kind of situation. Unforgivable in my opinion. Hubby doesn't like conflict, neither do I, so we agreed to just put that crap behind us and move forward.

Ugh, enough touching on the "bad stuff". If hubby gets hired on permanently that means we don't pay any premium for health insurance, the company takes care of it! Sweet! So even though taking a perma job with them will mean a pay cut, that's $700 less we have to pay a month for health insurance so we'll actually see MORE money and I can go to a doctor to take care of the knees, back, pinched nerve,figuring out my aches and pains and lack of cartilage in my neck! I don't know what I did a couple days ago but my neck is swollen and very tender right now, like it's a huge bruise. Ice hasn't helped. I do need a better pillow though, mine's about 4 years old.

Movies you all should be looking forward to:

Moon (out on DVD finally!)
Source Code
Warcraft
And a movie that has to do with this Celtic barbarian dude with a wicked axe! (okay, that may be a ways off)

We have to do taxes today, it'll be the first time we've done taxes as homeowners! Here's to hoping its a decent return!

Apartment 5015

I was in my new apartment in Manchester when he called. I had just got out of the shower when the buzzer on my intercom rang. He wanted to go over the script, find out what I expected out of the character.

"Fifth floor, number 5015." I told him.

I looked around my apartment. It was modern art deco. All my furniture was red, the walls were white with silver accents, my coffee table was silver and glass and sat atop a very large white sheepskin rug. There was a loft above. The silver and glass staircase curved up to it. Everything was tidy, too tidy.

There was a knock at my door. My door had frosted glass on the sides, so although you could see in and out, you couldn't make out any details. I looked through my peep hole and saw him standing there, a little wet from the rain outside; his dark brown hair now black from being wet. I wrapped my white robe around me, my hair still dripping and opened the door.

He smiled at me and then paused.

"Is this a bad time?" Noticing my present state.

I rolled my eyes and turned, walking towards my little dining table, conveniently only ten steps from the door.

"No. This is the best time actually. I have meetings and all sorts of things to do the next few days."

He walked in and shut the door behind him. I looked back at him.

"Have a seat!" I threw him a towel I had begun to used for my hair.

He walked to the table, pulled a chair out and sat down; drying himself off.

"Really nice place you have here. Like it?"

"Oh, I love it!" I lied.

He saw through me.

"No, you don't."

"Yeah, its nice, but its cold. A nice place to stay, but not live."

We both agreed that a house in the country would be more suitable, but inconvenient at the moment.

I rounded the corner to where the kitchen entrance was. There were light switches there and it was dark in the apartment. There were round dimmer switches and regular ones. I tried them all. I turned the dimmer switches this way and that, no light. I flicked a switch and a red light outside my door flashed. Oops, emergency signal. I turned it off, tried other switches. I managed to turn a light on but it was more of a night light, hardly useful for reading.
He came over to try and help, to no avail.

"New place, I haven't worked out all the gadgets yet."

I was frustrated, no, infuriated, and embarrassed. I couldn't work the lights in my own apartment!

"Its all right!" he laughed. I looked at him and he had a broad smile. Even in the dark I could see his eyes shining with laughter.

I sighed. My attention was caught by a black man standing on the stairwell outside my door. The window above my door was not frosted and had a small view of the stairwell leading up to the sixth floor. The black man was holding a clip board and had an ear piece.

"All secure at this level." he said.

I flicked a bunch of switches again and he peered into my apartment. I felt embarrassed again and, along with my male guest, smiled and waved to the black man. The black man left and I realized too late that I could've asked him how to turn on the lights!

"Really, we don't need any light to discuss the script." he insisted.

I shrugged. "Alright then. I'll be right back, gong to make myself more presentable."

I headed up the curved stairs to the loft area where my bed was. The only disorderly place in my house was my computer desk next to my bed. The rest of the place was kept in immaculate condition. I had a dressing screen so that I could change without prying eyes. I threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. I came back down stairs and sensed relief from my guest.

"I'm glad you're not one of those people who think they need to dress to the nines when they have a visitor over."

I looked at him and blushed. He laughed. He was dressed in a black jacket, green t-shirt, black jeans and brown sandals. I went to my windows, opposite of my kitchen and opened the curtains. Hopefully there would be light from outside to brighten up the place. The windows were massive, from floor to ceiling, from one wall to another. The street lights offered little help through the pouring rain. Water cascaded down the windows, distorting everything outside. Lightning flashed, illuminating my apartment for a brief moment. I sat down on the big red couch against the window, my legs curled under me and gazed out; feeling and hearing the rumble of the thunder that followed.

"I love thunderstorms." I said, lying my head casually on my arm, which rested on the back of the couch.

"They're magnificent." he said, sitting down on the couch, gazing out the window with me.

"There's always something calming about them."

"Exactly." I whispered, hypnotized as the water on the window made the street lights outside seem to waver.

The storm raged on and we both sat in silence, enjoying it.

The End Of The Woad (UPDATED)

And Now for Something Completely Different
In other news: I finally got access to an old Woad site. Eleven years and I was just now able to access it. I deleted everything there but saved most of the text to a note on facebook. Great responses from "those in the know". I was aiming to just remove pics of "You-Know-Who" Then I stared at the pages, read what was on them and realized, this wild ride is over. And so with Woad, the pages went quietly into the night.

I look upon my days in Clan Woad with much fondness. Yet I revel in seeing just how far some of us have come since then. We've all done a lot of growing up. Most of us settled in our lives. Some of us successfully so! Many of us still too geeky to leave those MMOs to the younger generation (because they're still too fucking fun!). We all left on separate paths and some of those paths have converged again, in parallel, with reconnections being made a decade later. The feeling is akin to a high school reunion, not that I've ever been to one, I'm "goth" remember and that's just too mainstream for me! ;) But I imagine it is. Clan Woad was awesome, the first step we took toward social media, to participating in the first MMORPG by Origin Systems, to making some lifelong (and dare I say, even familial!) connections to people hundreds - thousands - of miles away from us. Something that's so "normal" these days that one doesn't even blink when you mention talking to a friend in Finland.

I'd say "I'd like to have those days back", but the truth is, I wouldn't. It doesn't make any sense to live in the past. Memory - that's the best place for the past. Although its great to reminisce, the real adventure is here and now. Dream of the future, remember the past, but live in the present. I love making new memories and if those new memories include people from Woad, well, its the icing on the cake really!

UPDATE: Many of the old members of Clan Woad have found each other on Facebook. We've resurrected the Clan on World of Warcraft. The new website is http://clanwoad.enjin.com but you'll find us on BeyondIRC in our old channel!

Seriously? And The Party

Let me get something straight here. I'm an NOT a partyer. On occasion, I don't mind a good party or night out at a club. But going every week, is tedious, don't like it. I prefer staying home and watching tv or playing a good computer game. Alcohol, even at home, is a rarity. I used to drink more often than not, but it got old and I grew out of it, so its another thing I don't do much. Getting stupid with friends is fun, getting stupid alone, is just pathetic.

I HATE talking on the phone all day. I don't make many phone calls. In fact, I haven't called anyone in the past three weeks. Text me, Tweet me, Email me... don't call me, unless you're in my top 5 (or its an emergency) and don't expect me to call you just to shoot the shit. Catching up, fine, to be a rejected Seinfeld episode, no.

I'm not goth. And I know by making that statement it makes me "Oh so goth!" but seriously, whatever. I like the aesthetic, the art, the architecture and I used to like what the subculture stood for, but the scene has since been over run by cheerleaders wearing black and sniveling little brats who think the world revolves around them. No thanks. Keep your cliques and self-pity to yourselves, it goes against everything us post-punk era mainstream rejects believed in.

Onward.

THE PARTY

So I had this dream, seems I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately, about a singer I know and his fiance. They were in London for a reunion tour with his old band and had planned to get married there in the UK, for his mother's sake as she's too old to make the trip to the US. I'm there, along with one of my friends. There's this lavish party at said singer's friend's house, the singer's friend happens to be the father of someone I know. We're all having a good time. Things go great, especially for the soon to be married couple. Until my friend embarrasses the fuck out of me by being an attention whore. Thankfully, the "someone I know", helps me escape the nonsense for some peaceful, quiet, laid back time. Typical dream about some real life issues, until I tell someone about it and was given some striking info.

1) I did not know said singer was friends with my friend's dad.
2) I did not know there was going to be a reunion with the band.
3) I did not know singer's mother was too old to make the trip to the US.

Odd.